21, mtf, 5 years hrt, caught covid recently and it's fucked my brain so I can't remember anything anymore, including the pills I've gotta take 3 times a day. I've been missing doses, and once or twice missed an entire day. When I miss doses I don't feel anything, like, I don't feel depressed or happy, I just don't feel. But when I take my hormones perfectly for a couple of days I end up with this terrible dysphoria that makes me what to cry in a corner, self-harm, kms, etc etc etc—getting close to breaking my ~1 year self-harm clean streak. I just want to be a normal woman, why can't hrt let me do that?? I wish I could enjoy my body the same way cis people do. I want to wear a sundress, go to the beach, date people, feel ALIVE without the constant pain and fog... wtf am I doing wrong?
I think HRT gives me dysphoria
Lol druggie.
user i felt something similar
i didn't feel dysphoria until after i started taking HRT
Honestly I feel this, I mean I went a week without hrt and it was hell but
I just finished electro and we trooned at the same age and it feels like each step closer to womanhood the more distant it feels and the more dysphoric I feel despite the gap being smaller
>despite the gap being smaller
I get that, I pass like, 99% of the way, but that just makes the remaining 1% all the more painful. and it's not like the 99% that is cis passing is any fun, I'm way to transphobic to enjoy it. i feel like I'm fetishizing real women, or I lack the time & money to enjoy it at all (love being a tranny who legally makes 50% of the national minimum wage bc I'm a fucking tranny)
>caught covid
stopped reading here, should have got fauci ouchie, bigot
>constant pain and fog
Are you on an aa? These are very common side effects of some aa's that almost no one talks about
Also you're 5 years in and still taking pills three times a day? Girl you're getting hondosed get on injections asap no wonder you feel like shit
100mg spiro, 6mg estrogen, 1mg medroxyprogesterone (allergic to the normal stuff), I've been on the estrogen and spiro for nearly a decade, and like, at first you're right, the brain fog was TERRIBLE, but I've learned how to deal with it, and it hasn't been a problem for ~2 years.
My endo doesn't believe injections are real, and I'd need to quit HRT for ~6 years to get a new one
That's covid too. I got covid and spiro + e at the same time so I'm retarded now
Do... do you think getting vaccinated prevents infection? because oof user...
Yeah total hondose AND still on aa (and the worst one at that), they are so bad for you long term seriously get on injections asap
>it hasn't been a problem for ~2 years
Doesn't mean it can't become a problem again, your body's reaction to drugs can change over time, especially if it's getting continually beat over the head day after day by something like spiro
>My endo doesn't believe injections are real
jfc girl get out of there your endo is literally retarded and actively harming you and your transition
>I'd need to quit HRT for ~6 years to get a new one
Literally what
Besides this making 0 sense diy is a thing
You would be amazed at how well injections can level your mood after being on the constant roller coaster that is pills. Also I assume you're on oral since your endo is retarded, meaning you're not even getting proper adult estrogen your e1:e2 levels are probably all out of whack
consider estrogen dominance syndrome. if your estrogen levels going down a bit helps you maybe your estrogen levels are too high or at the very least too high for progesterone levels.
She's on 6mg oral I promise the levels aren't too high lmao
Where does she say oral? Also all of what you're saying is based on assumptions on her levels which we don't know
>including the pills I've gotta take 3 times a day.
Also her endo literally doesn't believe injections are real do you honestly think they're going to know about sublingual?
My point stands either way, sublingual or oral with an aa are both fucking terrible long term and monotherapy is always the end goal
>beat over the head day after day
>actively harming you
Imma be honest, you're freaking me out. I thought I was on a pretty standard hrt regime, and my tests seemed pretty normal.
As of 7 months ago:
Testosterone: 23ng/dl
Test free (direct): 3.8pg/ml
Estradiol, Serum, MS: 86pg/ml
and as of 1 year ago:
Estradiol, enhanced: 149.25 pg/ml
Have my levels been out of wack for several years? Or do I need to do any other tests? I've no idea where I need to go to get this info and obv anybody I'd normally go to (doctors and shit) are inadequate.
>Literally what
The deal with the endo is that he's treating me lowkey under the table (so insurance covers it but it's from a weird system that only people who were on it ages ago can still be treated under, grandfather clause type of crap), and the official route comes with the terf island waiting list. Idk if I have the money to pay for DIY, I make ~30k / year, live in a really pricey city (need to for work), and I need to save up for surgeries, bc there's no way in hell insurance is covering THAT, and I'm kinda sick of having a fucking cock and balls.
Oral ISN"T the one u disolve under ur tongue right? Bc I do the tongue dissolving one. Had to teach my endo that that was smthn u could do.
Looking into it right now and it seems like the main symptoms are sleep problems, weight gain, PMS, decreased sex drive, irritability, and mood swings. I take melatonin bc weed addiction makes it impossible to sleep without (tho ig maybe it could be bc of hrt?), my ED is all about control, so my weight doesn't move for ANYTHING, I might have decreased sex drive? I haven't slept with somebody in over 4 months, and I have to force myself to do the other thing. The other stuff I could be calling dysphoria? Idk maybe I've got this estrogen dominance thing, but idk how I'd even tell.
K so it's good that you're at least on sublingual but it's still not optimal long term. It's incredibly spikey in regards to levels so constant mood swings are basically a given. Like I said you'd be amazed how much your mood will stabilize on injections. And then add long term aa use and it's no wonder you're feeling crazy, I imagine covid is kinda just the straw that broke the camel's back..
Please consider giving it a shot before you outright detransition. Injections are a kind of high cost up front, maybe $100-150 for the vial and all the supplies you need, but after that initial cost you're good for around a year so it actually ends up being the most cost effective diy option long-term
>She's on 6mg oral I promise the levels aren't too high
well are they do high for her progesterone? that's the question at hand.
>please give it a shot before you outright detransition
I transition as a child in the deep south with bigot parents who've disowned me, and no connections to any other trans people. There is no universe in which I detransition. I'm just trying to figure out how to transition correctly.
100-150 / year is doable, would I need to buy from Ukraine? And how do I get off AAs without orchi, bc it doesn't look like that's in my near future?
Also like, does anybody have links to actual resources about what levels of what are good and what medications can get a person there? Smthn like a "transitioning wiki"?
is a good place to start
Make sure you do your research, it's not incredibly complicated honestly but you don't want to fuck around when it comes to your endocrinology system
Basically the way to get off aa's is to have stable E levels above ~200pg/ml at trough (I assume your endo will still order tests for you?), and then once you've been at that level for a few months the consistent E will basically shut down your testosterone production and you can gradually start to taper down your aa dose to 0
>100-150 / year is doable, would I need to buy from Ukraine?
Sorry missed this part, Lena isn't currently in business so otokonoko is the main diy injections supplier rn. She has a solid reputation and again, /hrtgen/ is your friend for all this stuff