Met up with a trans friend for the first time post-transition, last time i saw her was like a year ago

if i troon out i know for a fact it will result in my suicide
i would never ever pass, and i'd just be a gross weirdo
at least as is i have some amount of self respect

I'm 21 and started hrt at 20 and even I think how can

because not everyone would be happier trooning out, it would be a death sentence
plus, i'm pretty sure i'm not even trans, and just hate myself
and in that case, estrogen would make me worse

my thoughts are the same, and i still take my pills
you will regret it, please stop being a moron and worrying about eventual suicide and try to live your best life

was the exact same for me dipshit, take your stupid pills.
Shit's not working overnight anyway

if your thoughts are the same, then how tf can you recommend it?
how does it help you at all?
i am not fucking trans, i'm just a weirdo
there's no point

it helps me know im doing what i can, and the fact that i do get good changes even if i'll never ever pass. it sucks, and getting on it as late as i did is fucking awful but i would genuinely rather kill myself than get off it for whatever reason now
i'll never be truly happy, i've accepted that, but im still gonna try my best to make the best life i can for me

but why even bother if you're not gonna be a woman?
it's just a permanent half measure?
like taping a stick to a broken leg and just living like that, never truly healed, in constant agony and pretending like everything's fine
i'd rather just have a permanent solution and be dead, but even if i don't, i'm not gonna lie and delude myself that i'm anything but a fucking man

then why are you still here? why haven't you killed yourself yet?
sometimes you just have to make do, life isn't always very easy to deal with. no, you won't be a woman the way you see it, i dont think i ever will be either, but i've seen others in the same position as us make it out of it alive, and you won't be able to do that without trying. i know, it sucks

i'm hear because i'm wallowing, i haven't killed myself because my friend who i'm in love with told me not too
plus, i'm not even trans, i'm just brain sick from the internet, i stopped going on the internet for a couple months and my tranny thoughts started getting better
unfortunately i was still depressed and suicidal, so it didn't even matter, and i'd rather be entertained online than resolve a single issue
i cannot be happy

who tf cares if ur truly trans or not if the idea of what hormones would do to you then you take them, you don't need to be given permission to do ANYTHING you want to do to yourself.
have you told said friend, or any other close friends? bottling it up is not fun or good, being able to vent it out and talk about it with someone that knows you more than internet randoms will be considerably better
i probably cant be happy either but im sure as hell gonna try my absolute fucking best to be

If you are so jealous of trans people for being girls that you made this thread you are trans and repressing

You will either troon out or rope, if you put off trooning you are just going to get a worse roll and less fun times as a girl.

You can get good results at 19, I started at 25 and this is me at 27

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don't let the chaser try to indoctrinate you user, you will never be a woman

im not a chaser wht
im giving my own thoughts to a person who seems to be in a situation similar to mine

i don't tell my friends anything, sometimes i allude but that's it
they worry about me enough, they keep on urging me to seek therapy, and my shitty decision making clearly weighs on them heavily
i'm an alcoholic and a smoker, and i never leave my room and i want to kill myself, i have permanent bags under my eyes and i'm failing all my uni classes
i know i can't be happy, so why try with a bunch of shit that will make me even less happy?

bruh ur a textbook case of underlying dysphoria causing depression
order your pills and get therapy and start working on yourself dipshit, nothing will improve otherwise

i know for a fact i'm not trans, and roping is the goal
i'm buying acid soon, and i'm trying to make a setup that will hopefully induce psychosis
i want it to get so bad that nobody could blame me for offing myself
plus, i don't even really want tits
i already know that
i think you're a good person, but idk man
it's just all so hopeless

don't kill yourself OP

>i just turned 19
oh my fucking god order it today please trust me just do it. if you were 39 then yeah I'd get it but you're barely even 19. trust me, order it, you will deeply regret it if you don't

it's not all ""dysphoria"", a lot of it is rape, genetic depression, lack of fulfillment, not being good enough, being in love with a lesbian that will never like me like i like her, she'd be my only shot at not being a faggot, cause i usually go for men, which makes me cry and want to be dead
therapists always hurt me, and make me worse, i hate them so much
and desu, i don't want things to get better
i want it to get worse

it's already over, i have massive shoulders and a browline like a caveman
i'm not gonna get better, and i don't want too
my age doesn't even help

>it's not all ""dysphoria"", a lot of it is rape, genetic depression, lack of fulfillment, not being good enough, being in love with a lesbian that will never like me like i like her, she'd be my only shot at not being a faggot, cause i usually go for men, which makes me cry and want to be dead
you're just bi; don't overthink it

>and desu, i don't want things to get better
>i want it to get worse
this is how most severely depressed people feel. you won't always think this way. you really should give it a shot, trust me

>i'm buying acid soon, and i'm trying to make a setup that will hopefully induce psychosis
>i want it to get so bad that nobody could blame me for offing myself
1. don't do this
2. LSD rarely induces chronic psychosis
3. psychosis doesn't necessarily make you suicidal at all
4. seriously just don't do it

you can take LSD if you want, but take it at a normal dose. some people find LSD helps reduce their depression

you have it bad, im not gonna deny that, but i will say you almost cannot know if it was dysphoria contributing to it or not until you've already tried to alleviate it
therapy sucks and is impossible to work with i agree, but on the off chance you get a shrink you do well with it'll be so incredibly good for you
you only want it to get worse since you can't imagine yourself being happy, the better it gets, the easier it will be to actually want a happy life

also shut the fuck up you are 19. you're not willing to accept the truth but being as young as you are gives you so much more potential of a somewhat happy life than if you were older