Someone who i used to be really close to has their birthday next week. we were extremely close at this time last year...

someone who i used to be really close to has their birthday next week. we were extremely close at this time last year. we’re both bi and i’m a passer mtf. we were very emotionally close and kinda mutually in love, but when she confessed to me i told her that i didn’t love her and turned her down because in my heart i knew a relationship between us was a bad idea and would hurt us both. i told her to take some time and come back to me if she wanted to be friends. she hasn’t spoken to me since. HOWEVER, we’re both now dating other people and i still miss her presence in my life. would it be fucked up to shoot her a happy birthday text?

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You are fucking stupid

why??

>would it be fucked up to shoot her a happy birthday text?
Sounds like the nice, normal thing to do to me unless you had a really bad falling out.
Maybe show us the text so we can make sure you aren't emberassing yourself

i mean it’s been like 9 years. idk. it would rlly just be like “hi ___, hope you’ve been well. hope you’re having a good birthday!”

9 months i mean *** fuxk

It's okay and I think you should make it even a bit more emotional and longer

See

are you trolling me?? or am i in the wrong or something

Disagree. Short and sweet is best, especially if you haven’t spoken in a long time.

Oh come if they were really that close she would be hurt by a message less personal then what she got from her boss
She probably misses OP too and if OP wants to repair their relationship she has to show that she cares

fpbp you're fucking retarded, reading this post I thought it was about me but my friend wasn't a passer and I wouldn't want a fucking happy birthday message. just don't bother her holy shit

ok fair enough i just feel bad about the whole thing :/ i also slept with her best friend right before she told me so i probably really should leave her alone

>i also slept with her best friend right before she told me
YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS IMPORTANT CONTEXT?
Still think you should send her something

i lowkey forgot about it lol

How many signs are there in your post? I mean my god, I thought I was a sperg but let's see here:
>were extremely close, emotionally
>were mutually in love
>she confessed to you
>you lied to her saying you didn't love her
>time passes
>perfect, now that BOTH of you are already committed in a relationship, you're trying to rekindle your relationship with each other
What the fuck is wrong with you? You broke her heart and now you wanna cause more bullshit in her life. A relationship between you too wouldn't have been a bad idea despite you "knowing" so, in fact it would have been ideal. Now, you've tarnished it.

Okay yeah you're just a clueless piece of shit then. Wow.

she was in a pretty bad place mentally and so was i. when we were together we were basically fucked up all the time and she had an incredibly bad eating disorder. being together for real would have dragged us both into the gutter

i mean i really just didnt think it was anyone’s business who i slept with. obviously it isn’t chill or whatever but i still think that principle reigns true

I don't know man. Maybe a short "hey happy birthday" but you're probably gonna end up ending both her and your current relationships. Go ahead I can't stop you.

wait i dont want to fuck her. i just want to be her friend again

It's sad but honestly sounds like you made the right decision

So what did you mean by, you were both mutually in love? Is that not the foundation of a relationship?

we were in love but never told each other. by the time she confessed to me i didnt love her anymore and knew we would be toxic together. but she was really fun to hang out with and i regret how i hurt her