Be me

>be me
>tried hrt for months
>not true trans mtf, but probably some flavor of trans
>inject- feel certain because it made me happy
>near end of injection cycle I question every single time
>so far 1 week behind injecting because feel so unsure
>find out e increases serotonin & dopamine
>even more confused
I really wish Any Forums had a licensed therapist…

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what do you feel unsure about? ask yourself again about those things that you felt unsure again after your next injection when you're in the "feel certain" stage and record your answers and remind yourself of it when you feel unsure the next time

so inject again, and document why I feel better?

sort of
basically, inject again, and in the state of mind it creates, come up with counterarguments to the version of you who is unsure

Oh and to answer your question- it just feels like I don’t belong. Like when I inject I feel happier, and actually motivated, but I don’t wanna girl mode or be seen as a girl.
So it’s all kinda bizarre I guess.

what does it feel like would happen if you did girlmode / were seen as a girl? have people given you trouble for it before?
and you can always just keep injecting but keep claiming to be a guy anyway, people here do it all the time cuz they don't pass yet and are afraid of being visibly trans; you might eventually feminize so far that you literally can't get away with it and are obviously a girl, but by that point you'll have had a long time to figure yourself out, and experiment, and get over brainworms you didn't even know you had

Try eating foods that increase GABA, and fermented foods like yogurt, sauerkraut, stuff like that, wild caught salmon or some other high vitamin D and SN-2 omega-3 fish at least every other day, and getting 10 minutes of sun a day. That should increase your dopamine and serotonin quite a bit without causing any feminizing effects, and if you don't have any desire to take E after this then maybe you shouldn't take it.

Unless I’m deeply in denial, I just don’t wanna be seen as a girl. Thinking about men checking me out for example makes me deeply uncomfortable and anxious.
Also I do make sure to use my penis, but I’m also afraid of it atrophying or my breasts getting so big that I couldn’t hide them.
I suppose I could inject again to give that a try, but basically when I inject I feel happier- almost euphoric in a sense. Like being happy and getting motivated come easier- but again I dunno if that’s just e’s ability of increasing serotonin and dopamine or me being trans and not fully knowing.

I would a blackberry/banana smoothie a day Greek yogurt do the job?

>Thinking about men checking me out for example makes me deeply uncomfortable and anxious.
new things often do, and hrt actually changes your sexuality anyway
if you don't have a specific fear, it's probably just the idea of going out of your comfort zone, or trauma from someone who gave you trouble long long ago over the idea
>penis atrophying
yeah this is only a problem if you don't use it; the reason hrt increases the risk of this is because it stops spontaneous boners

What do you wanna live as a boymoder forever?

Just eat anything fermented that looks appetizing that you can find online or in a store, the goal is to get your microbiome nice and healthy so you can metabolize and synthesize vitamin D, and all your hormones that are made in the gut properly. This is more of an art than a science, lemme just list off a few interesting fermented foods: tempeh, natto, black garlic, kefir (defintely get kefir), raw honey (great for stirring into kefir), vinegar (apple cider vinegar gets all the love, for quite a lot of reasons, but a bit of any vinegar is pretty good), blue cheese (also contains tyramine, which increases serotonin even further, so much so that you shouldn't eat blue cheese if you're also on ssris cause it can lead to potentially fatal serotonin toxicity)
Do your own research on whatever other ones seem interesting to you, the world's a big place with a lot of interesting and healthy foods.

Idk user. After 9 months I still don’t like men.
Idk I just have no desire to present female. Everyone always asks here, but I have no desire as being seen by others as a woman. Simple as.
Thanks user. How long do you think I should try this?

No harm in keeping it up the rest of your life, but give six months a try at the least, it's variable how quickly you'll see major effects depending on how messed up your health is at the beginning, and this forum isn't the greatest place to a diagnosis something like that, haha.

What were you hoping yo get out of HRT in the first place?

we need containment threads for this stuff its annoying

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What needs to be contained and why is it annoying??

these threads and theyre annoying cause theres like 500000 of them

I don’t think it’d take that long to see effects, but I’ll try. I also have OCD, so some meds that increase GABA would be much needed.
And yeah, I know. I think a lot of people just know their dysphoria and assume it’s the exact same for everyone else. And idk, for all I know it could be dysphoria, but I think everyone is too quick to dismiss any other possibilities.
Well for years I’ve been depressed and tried different meds. Then I came here, met friends that were trans, and thought “maybe I should try” because they seemed happy and I started to doubt my own identity, and the rest is history.

I mean, that doesn't sound like you're transgender then. It just sounds like you're experimenting with your identity. I would recommend an actual therapist, if you have no desire to live as a gender other than the one you were raised in. I guess you can be some kind of theyfab that actually medically transitions though. Where did you get your meds?

Some diy stuff. I’d like to talk to a therapist. Gender would prolly be best I assume.

>Well for years I’ve been depressed and tried different meds. Then I came here, met friends that were trans, and thought “maybe I should try” because they seemed happy and I started to doubt my own identity
ohmygod and i thought that "people who are depressed and take hrt cuz tranners made them think it's a magical happy cure" were a terf boogeyman

lmao I’m serious. Like I questioned when I was younger on and off for a few years, but yeah.

Many women don’t love loads of male attention. And many women don’t feel super in tune with their bodies. I can’t tell you how many women I know who complain about being female. A lot of the things you’re saying make it sound like you think men and women have these grand differences but a lot of them are pretty much the same. Don’t let societal expectations of men and women compartmentalize the human experience too much.

Honestly, if estrogen makes you feel more like yourself emotionally and physically then maybe that’s the right choice for you. But if I were you I’d see a therapist about it. No need to do drastic irreparable change to your body if you could be happy as a male with testosterone and all that…

>if you could be happy as a male with testosterone and all that…
I kinda wish I could, cause I know it’s rough being trans.

>dysphoria increases at the end of a weekly injection cycle
Yeah

I doubt my decision to take e at the end of injection cycle.

You might just be some type of non-binary. Ive taken hormones for years without dressing different just cuz i like it. Its your life, so do what makes you happy.