Is getting your dick sucked without your permission rape?

My gay friend has had the hots for me for years and one day we got drunk and passed out. He was horny and asked if he could suck my dick and I’m passed out I woke up and said no but he sucks it anyway when I wake up and I’m like whatever didn’t stop him didn’t get hard was just really drunk. I left the room and I slept elsewhere when I was less drunk and I’m kinda annoyed he did it and I’ve heard it qualifies as rape but getting your dick sucked isn’t rape is it? I don’t feel traumatized but I feel uncomfortable with him now so I haven’t hung out as much since we hang out in a group usually. Anyone been in this situation before? Did it change you sexually? I have a gf but I can’t tell her can I?

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yes he raped you

I don't know if I would call it rape, but that is very clearly sexual assault. I would stop hanging out with him. Not okay.

this is far beyond the legal definition of rape my dude

T-thats rape user, the very least sexual assault

This is rape yes

Not necessarily. Most states use a penetration standard for rape, which requires the rapist to penetrate the victim. There was a case in Chicago where a woman held a cabbie at gunpoint and forced him to have sex with her friend (who wanted to get pregnant) and they couldn't charge either woman with rape because they didn't penetrate him (he penetrated her), and had to instead charge her with a lesser sexual assault charge. The maximum sentence of the crime they charged her with was equal to the minimum sentence of rape.

States that don't use the penetration standard tend to be even worse, a few even have rape laws that are written in such a way that men can never be victims of rape.

If it was just us two then yeah but we’re in a group and I don’t want everyone to hate him or like break up the group. I don’t know what to do anons. I definitely can’t tell any girlfriends this happened cause I said I was raped as a boy to a gf and she never treated me the same after. It’s just not sexy to see a man say I’ve been raped.
I feel violated but not like when I was a kid but it feels just icky and gross. I haven’t drank since and I don’t think it’s something I should talk about because nothing good can come out of it. I told him how I didn’t like it and he seems remorseful but it grosses me out and I haven’t shaved since cause it reminds me of his stubble. Anyone have tips on getting over it if you been in a similar situation?

Dude, your girlfriend sounds like a bitch, sorry to hear that you have no one to confide in irl. I do think you should tell that guy to fuck off forever, he literally sexually assaulted you, that won’t be an healthy friendship ever again.
I had a similar situation like you, where I wasn’t really traumatised but deeply disgusted. The only thing that really helped me to get over it, was telling myself every time I felt that disgust, that I did nothing wrong over and over again, even if I was drunk and didn’t put up a fight. Eventually I memed myself into accepting it, I think

Dude, you SHOULD NOT be okay with what happened. You might try to internalize it and blame yourself, but please don't do that. Someone violated your boundaries after you explicitly denied permission. It is a clear cut case. I know it can suck to lose friends, I have, but what happened, again, is just not okay.

That was my ex but I don’t see any benefit in telling anyone. He feels guilty I can tell so he is not doing good either. A therapist will not help and telling my friends won’t either. I mean what’s the best thing that can happen talking about it?
I’ll try your method, thank you. I hope you’re doing ok. Do you hide it irl too?

Do you think I should look for another group of friends or leave them and if they message me I can tell them? I’ve known them for a little under a decade now so it’s hard to not hang out. It feels like everything is fine but occasionally this unease bubbles up. I’ve had worst things happen to me so I might feel like it’s less bad, I think that’s why I’m not traumatized but just uncomfortable occasionally. I remind myself that I’ve been through worst things.

rape is penetration
that's sexual assault

I'm sorry that happened to you, yes it's very fucked up

You asked for it. If you think this is rape you are like girls consenting to something just do later declare it was rape because of being drunk, stupid or whatever and regretting it slightly. If you arent traumatized just write it of, its simply not important.

>A therapist will not help
Why are you so sure?

kill yourself

I got raped against my will with physical force applied and I start to feel like I cant even call it rape because that also gets used for situations you described and its just not compareable. I also got into a Situation compareable to yours, but that didnt caused me long term damage, 1 month later I didnt give a fuck about it anymore. While getting raped is something I cant ever forget thats impacting my daily life

No it's not you fucking retard this kind of shit is why women rape kids all the time and get away with it

This is clear cut rape

I’ve tried before and it’s not scientific. They give generic advice and coping mechanisms and guide you of what they’d do, which isn’t always optimal. I remember the last one was as stupid as talking to a wall asking me “how does that make you feel“ over and over. It’s hard to find a good one, I never had a good one. One tried to make me feel like being raped defined me and made it a big deal which would have traumatized me more.
We were both drunk and he liked me so I understand that point too. I don’t want to act like a bitch about it but something feels off when I’m around him. I’m not traumatized but I want to deal with it healthily.
BTW thanks to all the anons that replied. You guys are awesome.

I also went to my therapist for something like that, he didnt ask much about the Incident and didnt make a big Deal. Making it a big Deal will only hurt you

Yeah, I’ve never talked to anyone about it. It happened like 5 years ago, but I still wouldn’t tell anyone today. It only took me like two months to get over it, but I’ll still feel ashamed when I think about it today.

I don’t know if it’s a problem for you, but I felt guilty at the time, that it’s kinda minor compared to the sexual abuse, that others have to endure, but I still had trouble dealing with it. If so: It’s a brainwormed thought, that you shouldn’t listen to! It’s a normal reaction to feel bad and helpless, if something like that happened to you. It doesn’t make you a weak person. If not ignore this advice lol