The silence is deafening, my ribcage is collapsing

A week ago my bf accused me of thinking of him as a woman, for me, seemingly out of nowhere. I tried apologising three times but he's had none of it. We haven't talked since. I haven't eaten in two days, stayed at home today ; I can barely lift my arms, typing this feels painful. I'm scared it might be over. I don't have anyone else but him, if it's over i might as well kill myself. What do I do ? It's suffocating,i can barely breahte.

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I'm stuck checking whether he;s online or not, Each time i see him on my heart sinks, and when he's not i sigh in relief. I feel awful

I know this feels terrible but please don't kill yourself over romantic relationships. In years from now you'll be very thankful you didn't.

I probably don't have the courage to do it, but it's always in the back of my mind, ever since thursday. I've got no one else besides him, days barely pass by. I can barely get out of bed anymore because my body hurts. I don't want to wait because it just feels like he's getting further and further away from me. I'm sick..

You can't bring people back to you, but it's not unreasonable to remind them every so often that the door is still open for them.

I know you're having a hard time, but try not to get clingy with them. Here's what I think you should do. I'm malebrained so this is all going to be concrete actionable advice (sorry):
>Think critically about why your bf might feel that way. How do you treat them vs other men?
>Think about how your bf wants to treated; they've probably told you before.
>Think about ways in which you have treated your bf like a man, and ways in which he acts like a man which you like.

Now, it's not clear how you "apologized three times," but given that you said "seemingly out of nowhere" I'm guessing your apologies included nothing concrete. So, you can write a concrete apology / appreciationpost for your bf.

In this appreciationpost, I would include the masculine things about your bf that you like. Say that you miss them, and want them back (assuming you do). Then acknowledge how you have failed to meet his needs (assuming you have) and leave the door open to a mature dialogue about how to move forward. Make a commitment to meeting his needs better in the future (assuming you can and will commit to this).

If you do this thinking and attempt this writing and find yourself being dishonest, the reality is that the relationship is unlikely to work. People can only accommodate each other so far, especially when it comes to lizardbrain gender issues like socialization. If you find yourself lying, then either you cannot commit to changing your behavior (it won't work) or your bf is crazy / BPD (it won't work), so acknowledge that, grieve, and move on (in time).

He does have BPD, we've had fights before but none to this extent. The reasoning he gave when he told me to fuck off was vague, at least to my perception, just "You don't see me as a woman, i know how you're projecting". I don't know how to respond. I love him a lot, I really do, but i don't know what to say in a concrete apology. I miss him a lot and life without him so far is painful and makes me want to end it. Ever since learning he was trans I tried my best to make him feel comfortable and appreciated. I love him not for his looks, or his body, but because he''s been by my side through some of the worst shit of my life. I even said that in my apologies. I want him back, badly, it's as if life is still without him. Everything is gray and meaningless.

I don't know how long I should wait before trying to message him again. I don't want to be too clnigy but i also don't want him to forget about me or throw me in the trash. I apologised if i ever, ever caused him dysphoria or made him feel bad. I don't know what else I should do, my mind is foggy and I can't think of anything.

Wait is your partner mtf or ftm? I'm confused

ftm

Well she's having a woman moment

So what am I supposed to do ?
I'm scared that if i wait i'll get thrown into the trash
And that if i even dare to send another message he'll block me again

>A week ago my bf accused me of thinking of him as a woman
Well do you?

Most certainly not. As I've said, ever since learning he was trans I've tried my best to make him feel like one. I've never thought of him as a woman. I don't know what to do and what to say. I tried explaining it to him but to no avail

so going up im seeing the bpd
Your boyfriend is probably insecure as shit and seeing everything as a constant reminder of those insecurities. My sister has bpd and does the same shit where out of nowhere everyone around her is silently judging her for the retarded shit she does. my two cents is to just drop it and walk away because being this dependent on someone with these kinds of problems is just going to be pain

I don't have anyone else besides him. I've promised myself not to do it but i have, i put all my eggs in one basket and now i'm reliant on him for my happiness. Life has felt like shit since then, i can barely breathe, i feel like my ribcage is closing in on me. I feel like i'm choking

Do you think it's going to get better and he forgives me ? Or will he throw me away.. How long does your sister take to calm down when her bpd kicks in ?

>Do you think it's going to get better and he forgives me ?
How long until it happens again if he does? What specifically did you do that set him off? or did it really just come up out of nowhere?
>and now i'm reliant on him for my happiness
This is one of the biggest red flags for a toxic relationship and its not all on him either at this point

>A week ago my bf accused me of thinking of him as a woman,

WTF. What does it even mean in real life?
It's the first time that I hear about something like that.
How can someone think of a man as a woman? Like you are imagining him with a vagina?

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your gf accused you of thinking of her as a woman because she is one and she's showing all the bad parts of being fembrained

>How long until it happens again if he does? What specifically did you do that set him off? or did it really just come up out of nowhere?
For me it feels like it's out of nowhere, i've always tried my best to make him feel like a man, use the proper pronouns, be it in english or our native tongue, use the proper genders for adjectives and verbs in our native tongue. He said it's not out of nowhere, it's most probably through micro-aggressions, such as me sending an image which contained a woman by chance and saying "us" and whatnot...

>This is one of the biggest red flags for a toxic relationship and its not all on him either at this point
That's on me. I'm clingy. I wasn't loved much in my childhood so whenever someone shows appreciation towards me I can't live without them. He's been by my side through the worst shit i've experienced in my life, so naturally i'd get attached too much..

op's bf is a pooner, i think

It's Any Forums why do you think he said that ? ftm trans.