Shortly after starting HRT I kept dreaming of returning back in time through suicide. Tonight I dreamt the same...

Shortly after starting HRT I kept dreaming of returning back in time through suicide. Tonight I dreamt the same, I failed to return to when I was 14, and died. Is my brain telling me I should just die? Should I follow through?

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Dreams have zero basis in reality and should not be taken seriously at all

I feel like crap now though cause I won’t ever look good since I started late

You must make peace with it. You could commit suicide but then all your efforts will have been for nothing.

My only effort was to suffer for almost 21 years. Why should I wait another year when I know I won’t look as good as if I had started when I was a kid? Why wait when my whole adolescence didn’t exist, and now I can’t even live as a carefree girl for a bit cause society expect me to be responsabile and even then it’d be not the same
Im so envious of youngshits

You can't change the past. Lingering on it only wastes the present and future time you have left.

i cant go back in time and change the fact i look like a man and spare myself a life time of suffering

I feel you, but suicide won't help any

Yeah, that's how it works, so why think about what you can't change, instead of what you can change now? You got dealt a bad hand of cards, you might as well play it to the end to see how it ends up.

i guess if i didnt get so upset about looking like a man and being able to do nothingabout it i wouldnt have gender dysphoria now would i?

I know it sucks but you have to make peace with it or you will spend your whole life thinking about "what if" and end up even later on regretting spending all that time hating yourself and not doing what you could have with the time you had.

i cant make dues with it i might as well stop taking hrt

Were it so easy. I can’t think of anything but that most of the time, I hate to be this old cause I’ll never live the life I want

You are going to regret it. I can assure you for a fact that you will hate yourself on a level that very few suffering souls can ever dream of you throw it away.

I am 30 years old. I started HRT when I was 14. I stopped because I figured there was no point in it. I cracked again at 26. I've spent the last 4 years mutilating myself for all that lost time. To this day I still hate myself and it's an every day struggle to not think about the past because the years just fly by and the regrets pile higher. I know how it feels for you and I am telling you that however honnish you think you are now, after 4 years of testosterone ravaging you and when you crack again, the self hate you feel now will be literally nothing compared to then.

most lives for us trannies are Sisyphus style nghtmares but we just gotta keep on pushin till the mountain erodes. iyour brain is just bein upset about having a wasted childhood, but like if you actually went back not much would change, highschool is always shitty. only thing you can change is the future

i mean i look like this at 18 whats the point?

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That is nothing FFS and E injections for a few years can't fix. You are actually completely fine.

girl now you really gotta calm down, you are not ugly at all just have some patience

lll never be able to afford ffs with my mental state and ive been injections for 3 months, and hrt for 7

hrt is magic its going to remove my forehead slope and stronk features magically ill turn into a gorl!

I have CPTSD and BPD and autism and I forced myself to work 80 hours a week for 4 years to afford FFS. Woman up or work at sbux. FFS actually will erase your forehead and jaw, I went from Senator Armstrong to passable with aggressive FFS.

i dont even know how to get a job without help

Okay I'm going to need a lot more information if I actually want to drag you out of this doomposting pit

What country are you in
What state are you in if USA
Do you have a car
Can you talk to human beings and have a normal conversation

usa
georgia
no
not at all definitely no

unsee cc/album#LddskBc8P4oamcmF
we are basically identical

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Do you have credit
Do you have any money now
Do you already have a job
Do you know any languages or can you type really fucking fast and accurately
Do you still have any family or parents who can loan you cash or a car

no
i have like 600 dollars
no
i can only type 80 or so wpm with shit accuracy
no
lmao

Well this shit is gonna be pretty rough
Are you in or near a city or are you in a trailer park or something

the closest city to me is jacksonville i live in some hsit town in southern georgia

How do you manage to get by if you have no job and no family

i live with grandma and i dont consume anything i consume like 10 dollars of power a month and probably 25 dollars worth of food a week lol

You wouldn’t ever have had the ability to have an easy life as an ugly incel or now as an mtf that looks like an incel.
It’s over you knew that

I don’t even know what an incel is lol

Doesn't one of the AAs that's not Bica have suicidal thoughts as a side effect? That's what put me off anything but Bica, everything else seems to fuck up your mind beyond repair.

How much money does your grandmother make and can she loan you a car

You have internet and if you are unemployed and do nothing you can find bitch tier remote work for income

I’m on CPA so it could be, I don’t really know though…

idk she gets like 900 dollars a month or something like that, i guess she could let me use her other car but i dont know howt o get a drivers license even

im a 19 year old worm who cant communicate with peopl and cant leave their room its absolutely over