I want to play a game. After years of repression and denying you are trans you have recently tried to take your life...

>manmodehood is a possible lifetime or being the absolute worst most disgusting existence ever devised
Hmm, how old are you that you think manmoding is worse than repression?
>do something truly great in art
you need to do art constantly if you dream of doing this

>Hmm, how old are you that you think manmoding is worse than repression?
18 but puberty turned me from the kid everyone would joke about being a girl and called a trap and get homo shit from the straight guys in the class to the brooding Peter steele moder you are afraid to approach, been like that since 16
plus I don't want this youth robbed from me I mean the trannyshit is already doing this I don't go out don't have friends or relationships but just being this but with tits in an eastern eu shithole seems like an excessive amount of anxiety in a period that I can just spend drinking my shit away and doing drugs as a coping mechanism
>you need to do art constantly if you dream of doing this
well Im making music so that peaks in my 20s. if I were doing other types of art then maybe I would try to find something sustainable and make concessions (I literally will not be able to function as a 30+ yr old man), but I'm alright off like this I think

if you're making music you can get away with growing tits. gender is more permissive for artists.

you're not using crying properly. crying on estrogen helps you face your fears, and if you are a repressor you have a lot of them obviously. you feel scared and overwhelmed, have a good cry, sink into the deepest sadness you've ever felt, then keep pushing on. That's how we women have been coping since the beginning of time, babe. Keep at it ;)

>if you're making music you can get away with growing tits. gender is more permissive for artists.
eh idk, I mean on one hand sure but on the other hand its hard to quantify it exactly when I just type about it on this board but there is a fundamental kind of anxiety when ur doing shit like that idk like its a constant stress. not to mention my own personal qualms, feels like my body becoming a mockery of my existential problems and by extension of itself

>you're not using crying properly. crying on estrogen helps you face your fears, and if you are a repressor you have a lot of them obviously. you feel scared and overwhelmed, have a good cry, sink into the deepest sadness you've ever felt, then keep pushing on. That's how we women have been coping since the beginning of time, babe. Keep at it ;)
idk I just felt not scared or overwhelmed, just deep seated existential despair. I would see women every day, look in the mirror and just fkin cry and felt like there was absolutely nothing I could do about my expanded facial planes or ribcage. I constantly felt like a monster and a skin walker and its probably when my dysphoria was at its highest, like before that I wasn't even sure I had dysphoria but after that experience I can at least confirm this

what are your existential problems besides gender dysphoria

idk exactly, just the standard modern man crap I guess, Ive read enough French pedophiles to cope with those just fine though. by existential problems I meant dysphoria specifically there though

I mean you can always bind your tits if you're freaked out. Everyone responds differently to hrt I guess. I just don't understand bc my experience with it was that it totally freed up my emotions and then I could resolve my existential problems. Felt like a robot before hrt and couldn't act bc everything I did felt meaningless without emotion as a guide for my actions.

for me its just overwhelming with the shit that I can otherwise bottle up as a repper to the point where I become near dysfunctional. my direction in life is pretty concise with or without hrt tho, making dope art transcends and gives me enough I guess. day to day actions still feel meaningless because I'm not a real person but its not like being a man with tits will change that idk

>18 year old repressor doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about, commits to further masculinization and acts like he knows what repression in his mid to late 20s will be like
just another day on /tttt/, doesn't get better than this I tell ya.
good luck bro, I hope you look back on this day throughout your life

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you could potentially embrace being a third gender. that was a good cope for me and works with art shit too. like hrt can still give you a better body and a better-functioning brain even if it doesn't make you into the woman of your dreams. for me being an estrogenized twink and crying all the time felt way better than just being angry/numb and gave me a life I could actually work with. but like I said earlier, the effects differ for everyone.

what kind of music do you make?

see you when you wake up as a 30 year old man and realize it's too late but you have to try anyway