Maybe it's a cope but I don't wish I were a cis girl, because that's not even a coherent thing to wish for...

Maybe it's a cope but I don't wish I were a cis girl, because that's not even a coherent thing to wish for. If my parents had had an AFAB child at the same point in time she would have had different genes, developed differently from me, and had a different childhood; in no meaningful sense would she be me. "If I were a cis girl" is equivalent to "if circles were square".

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That's true. You can't really wish to be an iguana. It doesn't really make sense.

But that's the whole entire point, I think a lot of trans people would prefer to just have been cis from the start and not have ever been trans (not me though lol)

My point is that's an incoherent thing to wish for because if my parents had had an AFAB child she would not have been me in any meaningful sense. I could wish that my parents had just had a cis daughter instead but I can't wish that *I* were cis.

It makes perfect sense and why early transitioners make me feel like my intestines are being carved out but cis women just give me vague jealously

Ugh, I still occasionally cry myself to sleep thinking about the fact that I didn't realize earlier.

>she would not have been me in any meaningful sense
it's literally who your consciousness would have been poured into. it'd have been a person with different traits and experiences but still be the vessel through which you'd have experienced life. that's the whole point of it, what's meaningless about that?
*i wish i got to live as the person i would have been, had i been born with XX chromosomes*

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See, I'm basically an anatta realist so I don't think there's any core essence of 'my consciousness', only the particular combination of thoughts and memories that constitutes 'me'.

i know what you mean. this put me off questioning for years, because if you were born cis or even magically changed into a cis person of the opposite sex tomorrow it's very hard to even imagine what kind of person you would be, you wouldn't really be "yourself."

maybe the better question, if this is something you're using to decide if you're "really" trans or not, to ask is whether any amount of hrt+surgery would make you into a functionally cis person, and your family/whoever would eventually come around and accept you. or else, just wishing you'd pass and be accepted by the people you care about.

No, I'm quite sure I'm trans.

but i'm not even trying to say you'd have shared the same soul with this hypothetical cis person though. even if the ego is an illusion there's still a POV through which reality is experienced, no? you witness life through "you", you could have through "her"
and maybe she'd have been happier

Sure, but I'm not sure it would have been "me" if I had different genes, different development and a different childhood. She'd be no more me than my sister is (if I had a sister).

I get what you mean but that to me is just... Scifi basically. Like what's the point in even thinking about it? I don't think there was any way for my consciousness to exist except for being born from the exact sperm and egg that happened.

okay but that's my point. it doesn't matter who's who.
i don't know what cosmic mysteries led the zygote in my mom to go XY but i wish it hadn't, not because it would have been "me" but because life could have been experienced otherwise, and i fucking hate the parameters that define this existence.

anyways. i'm miserable and jealous

>I don't think there was any way for my consciousness to exist except for being born from the exact sperm and egg that happened
the experience of life is only made possible by your extremely specific and unique genetic code? that's a weird way to see things

Not understanding hypotheticals is a sign of sub-90 IQ.

if you could magically replace with your body with a cute cis woman's body, would you?

>i don't know what cosmic mysteries led the zygote in my mom to go XY but i wish it hadn't, not because it would have been "me" but because life could have been experienced otherwise, and i fucking hate the parameters that define this existence.
>anyways. i'm miserable and jealous
this sounds trans and makes me think your other reasoning as cope

I just have no reason to suspect that if some other X sperm won out then it'd be my conscious essence actually in control of that body and mind. So it doesn't make any sense because in no way was I ever going to be a cis woman, I'd just not exist.
I'm not op btw

what cope? i'm complaining about not experiencing life as a cis girl would. that's been my consistent take all along and i'm not using it to dissimulate anything or to lie to myself.
i've been rambling because i was trying to get my point accross to OP despite their philosophy

and yes i'm trans and i hate myself, duh

But that wouldn't have even been them. It wouldn't be their brain or body. It would essentially be another person and the mind/being of the trans person would cease to exist. Makes more sense to just wish you disappeared.

>if some other X sperm won then it wouldn't be my conscious essence
so your conscious essence was stored in the specific sperm that did? how and why? sounds like you don't believe in the word "essence" even.
your philosophy sounds like determinism, not anatta. if you believe your "existence" is just the meaningless consequence of causality then yeah there's no point in thinking about anything. (not that you have a choice)

>So it doesn't make any sense because in no way was I ever going to be a cis woman, I'd just not exist.
the premise of trans women is that we are born male but are happier in women's bodies. do you think that describes you

>mind/being of the trans person would cease to exist
why? is the mind the same as the body? then why couldn't they have just had experienced life through a different mind and body?
or are you saying the experience of life itself IS the same as the body?

>Makes more sense to just wish you disappeared.
you've never wished you could keep your personality and memories but just have a cis woman's body? stop thinking about whether that makes sense, that's not the point. do you want that?