Posted this, but deleted and fixed clarity issues >Consider myself a hetero "cis" man and don't understand transgender shit. Have occasional thoughts about men sexually, but don't think its a big deal and don't think its worth pursuing when I already like women and sexual experimentation is something I perceive as risky. I think I only like men sometimes cuz I'm kinky >Find someone to ERP with over my sissy kink. >Someone responds. ASL. Male and lives clear across the country. I didn't ask for men, but he asks if its ok >Think for a bit. Say I'm unsure, but OK lets try it >We do it for ~2 days I realize that my attraction to men is stably present >Few days later. The guy is still chatting with me. I was going to try and ERP with other people, but see no reason now. He starts talking about feelings. I'm worried, but it feels okay so I keep chatting with him. We keep exploring kinks. I start buying girl clothes >Any Forums says I'm a tranny. Go through a terrible period of identity crisis >Tell him about it. He says hes bi and likes me no matter what >We keep RPing for some days. He asks me to RP as his waifu. I like it so I say OK >I say its OK cuz I cant see people due to covid >Tell him its OK just stay rational about this >Talk about other things. Talk about hobbies. I start realizing I wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him. >He seems to really give a fuck about me and seems nice. >Realize I'm attracted to men, but its more emotional than physical like with women >Realize I've fallen for him. I tell him I wish he could be here with me to help me through this shit and cuz I like him >Reminds me he can't
The whole time I thought it would be him if either of us that might have had this problem where its hard to end this, but it turns out, it was me the whole time. I so naively thought we could explore kinks and nothing would happen.
I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid... I didn't know this would happen! How was I supposed to know this autistic shit would happen?
I never knew this would happen. I thought because I wasn't so physically attracted, that meant nothing like this would happen because I've loved women before and this felt different.
I thought I was doing some of the things he was asking but weren't as into because I liked the attention, I liked making someone happy. Maybe that was true at first.
But after a while, I wanted to make him happy. And now I feel like I know exactly what its like for women to fall for men. All the things they talk about, it makes sense now. I tend towards submissiveness at least with men, I do sexy things even if it doesn't get me off because I want to make him happy and do things for him. Sexuality was almost if not actually secondary.
Even when I wasn't as into romantic shit during erotic shit, I wanted him to comfort me before and after and to keep talking to him and to keep being his friend. I wanted to be close to him, but I can't.
This was the first time I ever even did anything remotely like this. I've never dated before, I've never had sex. Why must this be happening?
online relationships are always sad like this user
Lucas Powell
I didn't know it was a relationship!
I hate myself. I didn't know I'd wanna be with him. I didn't know I'd wanna see him no matter what he actually looked like and say its ok even if hes not that attractive.
What am I even supposed to do No one will love me. I'll never find anyone. I'll never understand myself.
And now, now I don't know what to do. He wants to keep going. I don't know what to do.
I thought I was okay, and then I broke down and now I don't know what to do.
Charles Moore
If you can truly never be together for real it might be best to keep your emotional distance. Maybe just be friends. most of has been in this situation before as naive girls
Austin Green
And I deserve it. I deserve it because I was toying with someone.
Jack Ortiz
Breathe deeply, user. You're like a girl who just had her first crush that resulted in a heartbreak. Ik how it feels, I recently broke with my bf of 3 years, still heartbroken, but it'll get better, for you and me, both of us. Go get something tasty to drink, like some wine or cider with some chocolate or even a fruit plate/platter, light up jasmine or vanilla candles, have some quality me time. You need it!
Carter Morales
I mean that was 3 years. I can't imagine. I'll probably fucking kill myself when/if I break up with someone for much longer.
I just spoke with him for like a week or two. Almost every day, but still only a week or two. I wonder if its even worth trying. I'm like 33. I'm glad at least I look and feel much, much younger.
My first crush I never went out with...
>emotional distance I wanted to be friends if it didn't work. I need to find a place in myself to allow that... I don't want to ghost someone or be extra sad about this.
Also I don't know that I'm a girl. I like to say I am. That's not sad-talk I really don't know what to make of any of that stuff. I'm still talking with people and checking different sources because there's something I like, but I also know that some people can be retarded. There's too many contradictory opinions on it for them all to be right.
I'm framing it as a curiosity.
Well... maybe its okay if Any Forums calls me a girl I guess. That feels okay.
Samuel Perez
Online sissy erp is not the ground you want to build a relationship on my friend
Joshua Powell
I know. I didn't know what I was doing. I really didn't.
Sebastian Wilson
I just wanted to do something fun and explore my kink. I was thinking about having a dominant partner, but I didn't understand what that meant. At least, what it meant for me.
I didn't think it was anything. You hear about people treating sex casually.
But then I did all that other stuff. Maybe that was the problem when I said it was ok to be his waifu or whatever the fuck.
We knew it wasn't serious and that we'd never meet. But I guess I didn't want to believe that and I didn't admit that to myself because I don't think anyone is ever gonna bother with me. I certainly don't think any women would wanna do my particular kinks.
And now... now I know people are going to associate my kinks with being transgender something I don't know that I am. They'll probably think I wanna transition. I don't know if I ever wanna do that? I just like dressing like a woman. I mean... no this isn't the time for this train of thought.
Cameron Wood
Candles, wine, and snacks! Go!
Jordan Wilson
You type like a girl.
Parker Barnes
Uh... do I? I don't always type like that. I don't think it really sounds like a real girl though. Somehow, I picked up this habit of sounding like a goddamn anime loli online. I don't know why.
When I write more seriously, it sounds more masculine or androgynous, usually. At least, in my head it does. Sometimes people call me "ma'am" over the phone when there's a lot of static, but they also call me "sir" sometimes I think.
With my covid mask up, people, particularly older people for whatever reason, sometimes mistake me for a woman.
So I guess maybe I come off like both depending.
I guess I can try those things.
Cooper Lopez
Maybe I just missed this in your OP, but why can't you meet him in person someday? It sounds like your attraction is mutual, so why break it off and hurt both of you?
Landon Perez
why is everyone here so bad at erp and why do they all use asterisks with weird plots, steam femboys and tranners are so much better
Nicholas Morgan
>steam femboys What like the game app? Huh?
Because he lives clear across the country on the opposite coast of America. LDRs don't usually work...
Also why aren't my posts posting. Hopefully this works.
Lucas Sanchez
I don't know why I type like that. Its a bad habit. >bad at ERP
Apparently I'm not bad at ERP BTW since apparently, I can keep someone hooked for like two weeks straight almost every day. But I was unwise with ERP because I'm so socially anxious I can suddenly now only get with men who like me, were raised on video games and internet stuff.
Which is a very strange turn of events. Anyway, I was kind of enjoying my little sperglord anime girl bubble with /tttt/ where I didn't have to fix my habits.
