Really series personal issue

I was happily married until december 26th. I think he didn't want to leave me until after a holiday, but he killed himself and I'm feeling I want to do the same thing,. I've been drinking heavily since his death and having cold sweats, withdrawal, shakes, nausea, everything, and I really just don't feel a reason to live now. I want to die so I can join him in the afterlife, but I'm religious, so I don't believe suicide is ever an option. I know this is a hard if not impossible question, but how do I move on when I refuse to follow him with suicide, but I don't have the will to live anymore?

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I know you're religious so this will sound like atheist edge but there is no afterlife. you won't join him anywhere whether you die by suicide, homicide, accident, or natural causes

you have only one life, and he would probably want you to live it

unfortunately, suicides are like bombs that might make others explode when theirs go off, ad infinitum. if you were to kill yourself, maybe someone else would, too. look at how you're feeling now, and imagine inflicting that same suffering on who knows how many others

that said, I don't think you should not kill yourself just because he'd want you to not or because it'd affect others, but because you likely still have a long life, including much happiness, ahead of you, and your life hasn't lost any value as a result of this tragedy, even if your brain can't muster the willpower to live right now

i'm sorry, i cant imagine the pain you must feel right now. all i can advise is to be closer to the people you have right now. family, friends, his family, coworkers, anyone. you need irl contact and support.

remember that it's human to struggle and that its ok if it takes a long time to get up from this

Sorry for your loss. The only answer is that you will slowly move through this the same way other people do. Trauma can be crippling in its shock and intensity, but it’s a common human experience and millions of people make it through to the other side. Take one day at a time, talk to people, pray about it, grow stronger in ways that would honour your partner

I respect your religious beliefs, but I do believe in an afterlife. My faith is in how could you not? How could you perceive non existance, matter can't be destroyed, so we have to go somewhere.

I don't want you to know the pain I've felt, so I won't describe it. I'd never wish it on anyone. I'm having trouble typing because I understand that all of you are trying to help me but I'm crying so it's hard to see.

Do you have the time to talk about it? I'm not financially well off, so while I definitely do need a therapist to repair my life, or just someone to talk to, I'm not sure I can afford one, but I understand if you don't have time.

This is pretty horrible. I would say dedicate yourself to working on something in the world, something somewhat selfless. Don't try to fall in love again or remarry, in my opinion that sullies your memories of the other person and even if many would say its selfish to want someone not to do that, I think most people wouldn't want their partner to remarry after they die. Especially if you believe in an afterlife. If you need to talk user post comms.

>really "series" personal issue
>ridiculous meme image

it's really hard to read this anything other than a autist/teenager doing a larp

I saw the typo after posting it, but if you read the post you'd see that I developed an alcohol problem. It's 2 am in the afternoon here and I've already puked twice and I'm still drunk and still drinking. I try to type write but I can't always do it. I'm trying to die but at the same time not wanting to die. I'm 30 soon to be 31 by the way.

How would I be a better person than I already am? I took time off because of this so I haven't been working, but I'm a doctor. How the fuck do I be a better person than that? How can I even return to that because of my newly acquired physical dependency on alcohol?

how on earth are you a doctor that can't afford therapy? your story reeks

Do you know how much it costs to get a doctorate? Most of us don't get out of student loans until our 50s.

I'm more angry than depressed now. I want you to know if you're ever at IUPUI hospital and I know you're name or recognize your pattern of speech, I'm switching a different doctor to you. That's assuming I even go back to that field of work.

low here's an interesting larp for once. do elaborate OP: why did your alleged husband commit suicide?

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Write about him. Tell people what he was like. He may be gone, but he's relying on you to keep his memory alive. Don't let him down. Live, so that he may live.

lol ok weirdo

I don't know why I'm bothering to respond now, but your making light of me losing my love just pushed me over. I'm done with looking for a way. I thought of going ADAP, but I can't because of my religious beliefs, so I'm going to suicide by police officer.

That was my immediate emotional reaction, but I don't want to cause any harm to anyone emotionally, physically, or psychologically, so I'm still here begging for some support. I really just need a friendly person to talk to. I've lost 4 dogs, 8 cats, 3 lizards, 4 fish, and a fennec fox in my live, and I'm sure any non sociopath would understand all of those combined do not hurt as much as this. I know I've made typos because of my newly developed alcohol problem, but it's the only way I can ease my pain. My chest hurts constantly like it's going to explode. I have spent multiple days just laying in bed crying. It's debilitating.

well, talk it over with someone you know and trust then. we don't know you, your exact situation or whatever, so it's impossible for us to give you any sort of good advice beyond that. what did you expect?

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That's completely fair. I'm antisocial, so I looked here for emotional support. I never got along with his family or mine, so I don't want to go there, but that might be my best option. I really don't want to see any of them though. I'm so scared that they'll blame me for being a bad husband and that being why.

...or get therapy for a while, if you can?

Dude I have 270k left in student debt, 90k left on our house, and have to pay for his funeral. I am broke as fuck. I can't afford anything for myself.

>thought of going ADAP, but I can't because of my religious beliefs, so I'm going to suicide by police officer.
You really think so little of god that if you suicide in a slightly more elaborate way that just barely technically isn't suicide, he'll be fooled?
Fucking kike spirituality, I swear. You people treat religion like a lawyer game.

I said I wouldn't because I know it goes against my religion. I was about to say some things that I would have regretted, I hope you and your family have long, happy, and non tragic lives.

christ, jesus, pull yourself together for a better larp, go to a bar and talk someone up, find a low income therapist, call a goddamn suicide hotline and ask them for help on this shit, or etc., etc. you're incoherent and rambling and coming across as impossibly stupid. it's frankly more comforting to imagine you're a teenage larper than a sub-facebook moron on here asking for sincere help this fucking badly.

fucking kek

Going to try to be more composed and polite. I haven't used facebook since 2014. I'm not a teenager, and I honestly wish I was. And lastly, if you are going to be a RUDE FUCKING CUNT, THEN FUCK OFF OUT OF THE THREAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

sounds like an emergency. then again, I don't know how mental health care works in the US (?) but I assume it doesn't. reconnect with your family, find friends, idk anything's better than asking on a taiwanese puppet weaving forum

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did you mean to post this on ?