23

>23
>Hairline looks like pic related and I’m not seeing any gains from fin
>Severe gender dysphoria that I have signs of throughout my life, but got significantly worse last year when I told people I have GD
>Friends call me by a female name and she/her
>ID as man everywhere else
>Parents are very transphobic and don’t want me to trans, but I live with them, so..
>Broke and won’t have money for several years
>Supposed to start HRT in next month and a half
>Can’t focus on anything anymore
>AGP and AAP, but also really don’t want to have sex with women
>Have actively considered trying to hyper-repress by rounding out, taking additional T and forcing myself to go totally bald
>Have considered telling friends to call me a man again
>Have had too many fantasies about having a husband lately that can’t come true so they make me sicker
>No relief from hobbies
>Parents guilt trip me out of selling items to pay for transition-related things
>Chronically anxious, depressed and tired
>Actively get upset when I have optimistic thoughts

Am I allowed to end it yet? What more do I have to say for people to understand and just let me go? I just want my suffering to end

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Hey you're stressed and confused with conflicting feelings, it's just natural. Starting HRT is a huge step involving you as a whole, body and mind.
Sometimes we have to bite down and take the pain in order to tings to improve. Try to ignore brainworms and to accept you wanted to start HRT for a reason, and that waiting a relatively short time in your life will reach that goal.

have you looked into therapy?

Therapy has helped me learn that this is just a part of who I am, but it hasn’t helped me accept that I am who I am yet
This was very kind. Thank you, I’m trying to get myself to calm down, and sometimes rambling helps. I know I have a lot of work to do still, but I want to believe I guess. It just sucks when everything feels far away or impossible

Okay. I’m still depressed, but now I’m stably depressed again. I’m gonna do cardio, voice train, shave and do my hair routine tonight

… and buy a wig?

I’m not socially transitioning, and my hair is longer than the OP pic so I usually don’t have to look at it

Good girl!

Right, but the wig doesn’t necessarily have to be a “yassqueen” kind of wig, I mean, it’s doubtful that you’d get into a situation where it would rip off, no?

No, there are great wigs, for sure. I just don’t have use for it rn. If I’m lucky enough to get hair regrowth I don’t want to risk botching that with wig compression. And I don’t really feel comfortable suddenly wearing wigs as an obvious man. People would immediately know I’m trans because i sound gay and shave

cringe

Taking pills to shittily emulate the extremely complex hormonal system of a woman will NOT help you. You have a mental illness, this is not going to go away. Do you think things will magically be better if you indulge it? You will always be uncomfortable in your body no matter what it looks like, this is the mental illness you have. Your biologically male body will respond negatively to estrogen (depression, loss of appetite, lack of energy, ect.). Actual therapy to help deal with and overcome these issues will help, not trying to grow shitty tuberous breasts and castrating yourself to make a neovagina that can't be penetrated pleasurably.

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>Your biologically male body will respond negatively to estrogen (depression, loss of appetite, lack of energy, ect.).
this is how my body reacts to testosterone lol

>this is how my body reacts to testosterone lol
not how testosterone works lol

Oh so me right now. Thank you

This is cringe, but thank you again. I hit all my goals for the night and actually went above and beyond for some of them

kys

I won’t lie to u and say it’s easy. I’ve got the same hairline as yiy with a bald spot to boot. Ive got a boyfriend tho, and we’re fairly serious, he’s bisexual and doesn’t seem to mind, I’ve saved up enough for a transplant and very soon I can walk out of the house hatless without getting insta clocked. It’s not over it’s just gonna suck

Have you tried testosterone? I have and I felt great on it but I was extremely toxic in hindsight. I was all of the stereotypes. My AGP also worsened on it too. I prefer Sarms. I felt great on sarms without any of the toxic stereotypes of testosterone. This is because sarms are anabolic without being androgenic. So you get energy, enthusiasm, libido, and muscle growth without the hyper competitiveness, skin and hair changes (acne, hair loss), masculinization/virilization, and personality changes of testosterone. You could also try something like anavar, which cis females use. Anavar is a dht derivative that is safe for your hair. I haven’t tried it but its worth looking into. I would recommend ostarine as a sarm. It’s the weakest and should be safe for your hair and won’t cause anything crazy, but should improve your energy. I used LGD-4033, and I had an extremely positive experience with it. I cycled it a bunch of times from 2018-2019. I didn’t have any hair loss issues. I stopped when the pandemic started and now I’m focusing on being natural. You should also swap finasteride out for dutasteride.

Seriously, since you mentioned you have AAP, I think you will love sarms.

Happy for you :)
I’m only AAP in theory. The idea of actually becoming MORE masculine makes me sick. There’s no way I could actually put more T in me. It’s just bad thoughts

Get on minoxidil and start microneedling for your balding hair. It is by far the strongest affordable solution for not only maintaining hair, but also recovering hair loss.

You should also look into emancipating yourself from your parents and moving out. It sounds like they have a really bad influence on you.

I wanted to wait until I’d been on HRT for a little while to start min. I use a dermapen now and I take fin and use rosemary oil with coconut oil, but I’m pretty scared my skin will age poorly on min and I really don’t want to be stuck on it forever. I’ve seen people get regrowth without it when they start HRT. Idk if I’ll be so lucky but I really don’t want to get stuck on min if it can be avoided

First time I heard about minoxidil supposedly aging skin, and seems like it's something made up by redditors with mild body dysmorphia.