Imagine a full blown psycho columbo, who only pretends to be a dumb tryhard...

Imagine a full blown psycho columbo, who only pretends to be a dumb tryhard, whose family and relatives don't actually exist, and immediatly finds the murderer and his investigations are just an excuse to carry on a long set of psychological tortures until they break down in tears and will spend the rest of their lives as babbling madmen in straitjacket inside a padded cell.

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Columbo canonically witnesses every single crime in person before each episode.

I don't have to because thats what the show already is if you want it to be
Columbos wife actually exists in universe though, theres a couple of moments when other characters say they've seen her. Notably the cruise ship epeisode.

nah columbo is some kind of angel of justice character. he's not human and magically only shows up when some rich bastard snuffs his wife for the insurance money or something like that. you never see him perp walk a nigger like a real human cop would. and nobody would drive that piece of shit car, nor would it likely even run. further proof of his magical/angelic existence

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>oh, just one more thing mr. user. You mentioned earlier you were employed as a janitor on Any Forums. Yeah, well I checked up on that, and uh, they didn't have you on payroll. In fact, there's no record of any money being paid to you at any point.

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>That would be because I do it for free Mr. Columbo.
>Now if you do not mind I see someone is going slightly off topic on a thread so I need to prune the entire thing. Good day sir.

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what's his name Any Forums?

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Columbo would be cancelled for misgendering people in today's age.

I watched this guy in A Woman Under The Influence and fell in love with him fellas. I want a handsome one eyed italian manlet to yell at me and slap me and then fumble his words while he tries to make amends.

imagine? you literally described the show. his wife doesn't exist. the entire point of this show is that he pretends to be a humble, bumbling buffoon while he applies massive psychological pressure on the murderer so they make a mistake and reveal an important piece of evidence or just confess.
did you really think he's just dumb? for real? every single time he goes "I really can't understand this piece of evidence sir/madam, could you help me out?" he already knows what it means, it's always a trap for the murderer.

>Am I detained? Am I free to go?
>Am I detained? Am I free to go?
>Am I detained? Am I free to go?
>Am I detained? Am I free to go?

>Uhh.. Well... That's all well and good Mr. Janny but there just one more thing...

>I've got some bans that place you moderating Any Forums while in fact at that very moment tranny threads were being posted... All the time from a supposed user who frequents some of your other discords...

>Now does the name "femkitten29" mean anything to you? Well it should Mr.Janny.

>Because that's your old login... Probably a coincidence... I gotta get to the bottom of this I tell ya.

>I'll be seeing you user. And uh, keep up the hard wo-ACK.

>Hahaha just kidding. See you around.

>oh, it's ma'am?
>I'm awfully sorry miss you see I have this bum eye it makes things very difficult on me sometimes but still I'm very sorry..
> know.. one thing keeps bothering the crime scene the cops found footprints of heels but the stride length was that of a man..



>his wife doesn't exist
I can see how it's easy to think that if you've only seen a few episodes but she really does

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Watch the cruise ship episode for proof of Mrs Columbo. Columbo asks one of the ships crew if he's seen his wife and the crewman says he had just spoken to her before.
There's no reason in this situation for Columbo to be pretending to have a false wife.

i'm not leaving Any Forums until something like this is funded.

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Captain Janeway is his wife.

His wife is real but everything he says about her is a lie to make the murderers believe they have common ground.