Did you ever expect that your life would turn out this way?

I honestly thought I would have died alone, maybe with some secret medal or award certificate rusting / yellowing away a drawer (like the Comedian in Watchmen), maybe with some fiction books published under a nom de plume, so that someone else would have heard of my crazy ideas about society and all. Something like this

*record scratch
*freeze frame*
Yep, that's me, browsing this thread on an imageboard.

* in a drawer.
Yes, my brain melts away on most days

no, but i'm grateful

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I thought I'd be dead by now so I still don't really know what I'm doing

I thought I would have a long military career but instead got my leg blown off on second deployment. Now I just sit at home and get drunk all day.

Nah.
I stayed up all night thinking of the best way to make the love of my life happy.
It came to my conclusion that the best way to make her as happy as I can is by letting her go and leaving her life.
In fact I think I'm gonna leave everyone I'm close to.
Everyone would be better without me.
It's time I go back to seclusion and being unhappy by myself instead of making everyone else unhappy.
As much as I love her and want to be apart of her life, it's selfish of me to impose myself into it.
She'll be much happier without me and if that's what it takes to make her happy then I'll sacrifice our relationship.

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when i was a kid i thought i would end up rich as fuck with a great job and stuff because thats what all of my teachers told me i'd get, but i turned out to be a burnout college dropout.

No but do you know who just reported this thread for being off topic? :)

Yeah, it was pretty clear to me from a very young age that im pretty cool.

You have any good job in America without a college degree.

Yeah. It's about as good as I could have ever hoped for. Got a flat, a job that puts food on the table and a family I'm on good terms with.

The other shoe's gonna drop eventually, I'm sure. Either the Russian's are gonna keep going west, nukes are gonna drop and if that doesn't happen, environmental collapse is basically a certainty at some point during my lifetime.

So, you know, I'm trying to enjoy the good times as long as they last.

Funny thing is, I was even more deranged and sad as a kid than I am now, so I can’t really say I disapointed my past self at all.
Feels… good I guess?

Absolutely not lol

no, but i always knew something was wrong with me, from the age of 6 or even earlier than that

I'm more concerned about what is happening to the world, rather than myself

r u thinking bout suicide

that's rough
be sure to never quit cold turkey, either taper very slowly or get Valium for withdrawals
every cold turkey does permanent damage to the brain

Ever since I was a kid I thought that my "role" was to be the smart guy. I knew I'd not be the leader or get the girl. I didn't want to be a rich dudebro fucking models or the things others dreamed about, so in a sense I always knew myself well enough to not expect to have it all. But I failed even in that role. Every goal I set I didn't achieve. Every good quality I had I lost. Bit by bit everything that made me "me" left me, and no matter how hard I tried I lost time and time again. I thought I'd grow up and be an inventor or something similar. I'd get awards and be recognised. People would like me, maybe a girl too. But that never happened. I just gradually fell into an even deeper hole. I can't even finish my school. I get humiliated every day, and the worst thing is, they don't even try to do it; I'm just that much of a failure.

The worst thing is, I don't even recognise myself anymore. I was always very well put together, very serious. I knew what I wanted and what I liked. It wasn't necessarily a good thing, because I was the usual shy
>oh such a gentleman
kid that turned into the
>why are you so quiet
type. It's a problem, but it was me. Now I can't keep a mood for more than a couple of hours. I have no idea if I like or want anything. I just exist. And whenever I try to get out of the hole I get kicked back in. I just don't know...

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