Jerry: whats so great about those tokens anyway

Jerry: whats so great about those tokens anyway
George: theyre non-fungible jery
Jerry: non fungible?
George: they cant be funged!
Kramer: you know my friend bob sacamano, he funged a token once
Jerry: what happened
Kramer: lets just say he wont be funging again

Attached: ed20cz4jxwg81.jpg (1710x900, 1.25M)

Elaine enters Jerry's apartment
"Jer? You the door was open, are you in here?"
"Elaine get out!" Jerry's voice comes from behind the bathroom door.
"Jerry, what are you doing in there?"
Cut to Jerry spraying lysol everywhere. "She gave me Covid Elaine! She said she got the vaccine! Now I'm quarantined in here!"
Kramer enters, "Hey, Elaine. Hey JERRY! I got to borrow your computer!"
Jerry sighs, "What do you need that for Kramer?"
"Fortnite Jerry! The girls in my creative pottery class are all about those wacky dances!"
"Can't you just watch those on Youtube?"
Kramer laughs, "That's what the computer is for!" Shaking his head, he takes the PC out.
Elaine: "Covid, is that some kind of fungus?"
"Haven't you been watching the news? This is the biggest virus in the history of mankind, the plague has got nothing on this thing!"
"Bigger than AIDS?"
"AIDS has dreams where it's as big as Covid, now get out of here, before I infect you too!
"Wait Jerry, could you do me one favor? I need you to call J Peterman and tell him you gave me Covid?"
"Why?"
"Because if I get sick and he will insist I work remotely. REMOTE WORK JERRY! Think of all the time I'll have!"
"I can't Elaine, I can't even leave this room to answer the phone, Kramer has been slipping peanut butter and Captain Crunch sandwiches under the door!"
"Well what should I do then?"
"Ask George!"
"George is no good, ever since I slept with his cousin who looks like him he's been weird with me. "
"Well, I can't help you, so unless you come from the future where Trump cures Covid, I'm stuck sleeping in my bathtub for two weeks!"
Elaine puts on her mask. "Hah, two weeks, ever notice how everytime they tell us the world is coming to an end, it's a two week time frame? What's up with that?"
"Elaine if you got a minute could you head to the store and get me some more mouthwash?"

J PETERMAN:
Elaine, it has come my attention you own Litecoin, ADA and BSV.
ELAINE:
No, mr. Peterman, please, i don't own any crypto... Please, check my wallet, i don't even like crypto-
J PETERMAN:
Enough babble, Elaine. I too dabbled with crypto on my Lisbon Web summit, i have received a whole airdrop of bitcoins, whole lot, thousands.
ELAINE:
Thousa-? Of bitcoi-ins?
J PETERMAN:
Elaine, let me tell you, the only thing that works in crypto is buying high and selling low, rest is just nonsens!
ELAINE:
What about mining? You know, to confirm transact-
J PETERMAN:
Ha-Ha, mining??! Mining is phantom Elaine, it doens't exist.
ELAINE:
It doesn't? But my boyfrien-
J PETERMAN:
Elaine, i am surprised that you have shown such tech afinity, that's why i am naming for discord moderator of J Peterman crypto discord.
ELAINE:
(completely resignated)
Yes, mr. Peterman.
J PETERMAN:
Oh, dont be such grime, we have the best memes on our channel! And you love memes!
ELAINE:
Yes mr. Peterman, i love memes.
JERRY: Everyone's getting rich but me from this crypto hype. I'm down over five thousand bucks you know. And coinbase support is no help. I call everyday and still can't get my money back.

GEORGE: Coinbase? Why'd deposite there?? So you didnt use MY affiliate link i sent you for FTX?? Why'd you do that?

JERRY: I was playing wordle and it kept popping up so i thought they were legit. FTX is ran by some 20 year old kid.

GEORGE: So? 20 year olds are the only ones that get crypto. Pass me the salt.

JERRY: Hey'd you hear about Elaine becoming discord moderator at J Peterman?

GEORGE: Discord mod?? Elaine??!? I WANTED that job!

JERRY: Well i'm sure if you'd talk to her you'd be hired immediately. She doesn't know how to meme.

GEORGE: I'm a good memer. JERRY: You do meme quite good. GEORGE: Cmon, im really good at it.

JERRY: How hard can it be? If crypto is down you use pink faces and if it's up you use green faces.

GEORGE: Wojaks, Jerry. They're called Wojaks! Pink for down, green for up. JERRY: Ok, George, i get it.

GEORGE: (looks at phone screen) God i hope chainlink hits 100 bucks.

JERRY: Just sell your links and go work for Elaine. At least earn back they money you lost.GEORGE: NEVER JERRY. I'M NEVER SELLING! George storms out of the coffeeshop, comes back. NOT SELLING!

George: I finally found the one, Jerry! Rust!

Jerry: Rust?

George: Rust!

Jerry: Oh not that new thing again. Have you *seen* the syntax in that? They clearly don't want people using it.

George: With memory safety like this baby has they can use any syntax they wish.

Jerry: And that name. 'Rust'. What kind of name is that for anything technical? Should've been called 'Sheen'

George: Oh yeah, name it after an imploding crack addict. Thats much better.

Kramer: You know my friend bob sacamano never uses any memory safety. Ever.

Jerry: How is that even possible?

Kramer: Hes got a terrabyte of RAM Jerry, he just doesn't care! Hes letting his memory slip and slide all over the place (does funny jerky movements)

(Elaine comes in, looking disheveled)

Jerry: What happened to you?

Elaine: What happened to me? What happened? Its that damn Rust is what happened!

George: What are you talking about?

Elaine: Its that stupid language of yours George. I stayed up all night doing a Hello World. A Hello World! I was letting this be that I didn't know what the hell was going on.

OPENING SCENE:
COFFEE SHOP
JERRY AND GEORGE
JERRY:
I still don't get it.
GEORGE:
It's simple. The blockchain is like an immutable line of transactions. Before another transaction is made, you have to verify the past transactions, so yours can be added at the front.
JERRY:
Sure, but what is the point? Why not just use regular money?
GEORGE:
It's decentralized Jerry, no central banks involved. All you need is a computer, and you're good to go.
(ELAINE ENTERS)
JERRY:
George was just telling me about how he invested in cryptocurrency.
ELAINE:
That's awful! Do you know how much electricity those things cost?
GEORGE:
Oh! Here we go!
ELAINE:
It's terrible for the environment!
GEORGE:
And your hairspray isn't bad for the ozone layers?
ELAINE:
At least I have hair!
GEORGE:
That does it! I'm leaving!
ELAINE:
Hey why don't you spend all your crypto winnings on a hair transplant?
(GEORGE LEAVES)
JERRY:
Geez, Elaine, what's gotten into you? You know he is very self-aware about his hair?
ELAINE:
I know, I'm sorry. It's just that new guy I've been dating. He just goes on and on about crypto. He won't shut up about it!
(GEORGE ENTERS AGAIN)
GEORGE:
Aha!
ELAINE:
Aha what?
GEORGE:
You're no better than me! You're daying guys who are bad for the environment! That's basically encouraging them.
ELAINE:
Well at least I'm not the one listening in on a private conversation!
GEORGE:
Private?! We're in public.

Kramer becomes addicted to this new hip imageboard and spends most of his day on it
He only comes over to Jerry's to charge up his laptop
Jerry gets concerned about how long Kramer spends on that "stupid cartoon board" and tells him that "something has to change"
"You're right Jerry!"
Next day Kramer confesses he became a janitor on the imageboard
"It's great, Jerry, I knocked the application out of the park! I thought I was gonna have a lot of competition but they were practically BEGGING me to do it!"
"You became a janitor? On that site? Kramer, nothing's changed, you just monetized your addiction, can't you see?"
"Oh no no no Jerry, you got it all wrong, I'm not getting paid."
"No pay?"
"Nope." *mouth pop sound*
"So why..."
"Because it's not about the money! The past few weeks I've been trying to track down this one guy who keeps messing up the board with those inappropriate pictures I was talking about...." Kramer leans in on Jerry and lowers his voice
"Yeah, yeah, you told me..."
"Well, I almost got him Jerry! I will bring him to JUSTICE for the smut and filth he's spreading on MY board. With my new janitorial powers, I will have the means to find out who he is and stop him."
jumpcut to Newman sitting in his apartment in front of a laptop giggling, wearing a headset
"I'd like to see you try...... Janny"
audience laugh track

JERRY: whats the DEAL with the snyder cut - a whole cut, just for snyder? who is this guy? How come i dont get a cut

TARGET MANAGER: im going to have to ask you to leave the store if you dont put on a mask

[enter George, visibly flustered]

Jerry: Hey, uhh, make it back from the theatre alright?

George: Oh yeah. Made it back. Just fine

Jerry: Well what's the matter? How was the Snyder Cut?

George: Black bars Jerry! Black bars!

Jerry: Black bars?

George: Oh on both sides.

Jerry: Just... black?

George: Absolutely nothing!

Jerry: Well how can you know what was happening just outside the frame?

George: Wouldn't I like to know!

[Enter Kramer, wearing glasses with their peripheries blacked out]

Jerry: I take it you enjoyed the film? This was what, your second rewatch?

Kramer: Oh yeah, Jerry, incredible

George: And the uh... shape... of the picture was uh, satisfactory to you?

Kramer (taken aback): Satisfactory?! It's art George. Warner Bros respects cinema, and it's all the rage.

[Kramer animatedly points up at glasses]

Jerry: Uh huh

Kramer: My buddy Bob Sacamano had these made up, selling them outside the theatre. Electrical tape and $2 glasses, it's free money

scene: elaine and jerry sitting on Jerry’s couch.

ELAINE: so. The Snyder.

JERRY: the Snyder?

ELAINE: yup (clicks tongue) The Snyder.

JERRY: you saw it?

ELAINE: I saw it.

JERRY. Well, well, well. You saw the Snyder.

ELAINE: nods excitedly.

JERRY: And?

kramer burst through the Jerry door wearing 3D glasses

KRAMER: guesss.. uhhh .. l what I just watched, Jerry?

ELAINE&JERRY (together): the Snyder?

kramer stumbles almost falls to the ground.

KRAMER: no no no Jerry .. (clicks finger gun) .The Whedon.

JERRY: (pause looks at Elaine) oh, the Whedon, you say.

Cut to George standing outside a theatre “Justice League” is on marquee with “Justice League Snyder cut” beside it. George checks watch, looks at marquee, checks watch again....

JERRY: I don't believe it.. I just got banned from Any Forums!
GEORGE: Banned? For what?
JERRY: I have no idea! I was just making a thread about Tucker Carlson and--
GEORGE: That'll do it.
audience laughs
JERRY: ..What?
GEORGE: No Tucker threads!
audience laughs
JERRY: But he's on TV!
GEORGE: Poor, naive Jerry... You think the jannies really care if he's on TV or not? Oh, no. They don't want those threads.
JERRY: Well, what do they want?
GEORGE: Just look at the catalog, Jerry.
*Jerry scrolls through his phone*
JERRY: Jonah Hill. David Lynch. Sneed. Idris Elba. Star Wars. Gordon Ramsay. Sneed. Bane. Dune. Star Wars. Bane... It's just the same things over and over!
audience laughs. George puts his hand on Jerry's shoulder.
GEORGE: For you.
audience laughs. slap bass riff. commercial break

George is sitting on Jerry's couch, typing something on his phone. He looks frustrated
I thought you didn't use Any Forums, Jerry?
I don't.
Then how come you're banned?
Oh, Kramer has been waging some sort of war with the moderators, he got the whole building rangebanned.
HE WHAT?
Yeah I guess so. Why do you come over here to make your Any Forums posts anyways? I don't see why you can't just post in your own home.
George mumbles something
What was that?
I got banned too, ok?
Easy solution, just reset the router.
Last time I did that my father thought I had permanently ended his internet access. He chased me through the house with a shoe...

LATER IN JERRYS APARTMENT

GEORGE: [enter] Ho-oh boy you're not gonna belive this.

JERRY: [eating nuts] oh i probably will

GEORGE: [fuming] i was waitin' in line for mario kart for two and a half hours. i get to the front and all they have is this.... [tosses a super mario 64 cartridge onto table]

JERRY: mario 64. i've heard of this. it's mario kart, but without the carts.

GEORGE: footracing, jerry.

JERRY: well take it back

GEORGE: i can't refund expired an hour ago. it's terrible. you're in this cartoon world racing some turtle up a hill full of bowling balls i gave up after the first race

JERRY: so sell it. you could probably pawn it off for a few bucks.

GEORGE: that's the thing. i lost the case. you can't sell a game without a case

JERRY: can you sell shoes with a case?

GEORGE: well....

JERRY: can you sell a computer without a case?

GEORGE: alright, alright, you can sell a game without a case.

JERRY: sure you can. it's the manuals you can't afford to loose.

GEORGE: dammit.

George: Hey Any Forums, what's going on?

Any Forums: Who the hell are you?

George: I'm George. I post here all the time.

Any Forums: George who?

George: George Costanza.

Any Forums: Never heard of you.

George: What? I've been posting here for years!

Any Forums: Sorry, George, you're no longer welcome here.

George: What? Why?

Any Forums: We don't need your kind around here.

George: This is discrimination! I'm going to sue!

Any Forums: Good luck with that. You're banned.

George: And then he says, get this... 'for you!'

Jerry and Elaine stare back in silence

audience chuckles

George: Ehh? Ehh? For you!

audience laughs

Jerry: I'm not gettin' it George.

Elaine: How is that supposed to be funny?

audience laughs

George: What do you mean how's, it's hilarious! FOR YOU! COME ON!

Kramer walks in

Kramer: EYYY

George: Kramer! You think the plane scene was funny right!?

Kramer: What plane scene?

George: From The Dark Knight Rises! The plane scene from The Dark Knight Rises!

Kramer: Oh right, that old meme.

George stares in disbelief

George: Excuse me, did you say 'old meme'? So what's a good fresh meme to you?

Kramer: Well, I'm getting really into Sneed right now.

George throws his arms up in the air

George: Ahhh, heeere we go with the sneedposting!

audience bursts into laughter

Jerry and Elaine look at each other, then look back at Kramer

Jerry+Elaine: Sneedposting?

Kramer: It's the hottest meme these days, just look up 'I can't sneed'... thank me later

Kramer points at Jerry and makes clicking noise with his mouth

audience laughs

Kramer: Oh and George, Newman is getting really into this new 'keyed' meme, you should keep an eye out for that

George raises his arm as if to present Kramer to Jerry and Elaine

audience roars in laughter

bass sound, scene ends

"So George, how's the thread going?"
"How's the thread going? I'll telling you how it's going Jerry! I'm getting no (You)s! None!"
"No (You)s? Why don't you just bump it?"
"I did bump it! I got banned for spamming"
"Well what was the thread?"
"I don't know, a frog"
"Well there's your problem. You need to have a quality, on-topic discussion. Just ask Kramer, his threads always get over 300 replies"
Kramer enters
"Say Jerry, you got any butter? I need something to go with my crab legs"
"Hold on a second Kramer, George was wondering what you post for your threads to be so popular"
"What I post?"
"That's right"
"I post Sneed"

George scoffs

pffft , sneed, Sneed is dead, sneed is over its finished

"oh its not over buddy, not by a long shot"

"oh yeah, well how come my sneed thread the other day only got 2 yous and was then deleted?"

"you gotta do it right, you gotta post a frog to go with it"

canned laughter

SO HE KEPT POSTIN THIS SNEED. GREAT STUFF. GREAT STUFF. I'M TELLIN YA GEORGE, WE NEED TO SEE MORE SNEED. GOTTA PLEAD FOR SNEED. HEY, THAT RHYMES. MAYBE I CAN HAVE A KNACK AT BEIN A SNEED POSTER TOO, EH GEORGIE?

GEORGE: You know what Kramer just said to me? He said I’m based.

Audience laughs

JERRY: Based? Based on what?

GEORGE: That’s what I would like to know!

Audience laughs

George is sitting at his computer, trying to come up with a new scheme to make money. He stumbles upon Any Forums's Any Forums board and starts reading some of the threads. He finds one that he can weigh in on and starts typing away.

Suddenly, his computer screen goes blank. A message pops up that says, "You have been banned from Any Forums."

George is outraged. He had finally found a place where he felt like he belonged. He goes to the Any Forums website and tries to figure out why he was banned. He sees that there is a list of rules and realizes that he must have violated one of them.

He goes back to the Any Forums board and starts reading the rules. He eventually finds the rule that he violated and realizes that it was a stupid mistake. He tries to appeal his ban, but it is no use. George is now banned from Any Forums's Any Forums board.

Is this a bot thread? Am I the only reason person on Any Forums?

The Ban Evasion

JERRY: "Hey Kramer, ya haven't been on your computer as often, what's goin on?"
KRAMER: "Oooooh it's not good, Jerry, not good at all. I got banned on Any Forums."
JERRY: "The chat room thing?"
KRAMER: "It's more than that Jerry, it's my second family. I've even seen my mother posted there!"
audience laughter
JERRY: "Okay so what does that mean, getting banned from Any Forums? Can't you just apologize?"
KRAMER: "It's not that simple. I was spamming threads with Sneed and they didn't just ban me, they IP banned me! Do you know what that means Jerry???"
JERRY: "... I'm on the edge of my seat."
audience laughter
KRAMER: "It means they know where my computer is! They could find out exactly where I am, and who I am, and do whatever they want!"
JERRY: "What? They can do that?"
KRAMER: "It's the internet Jerry, you know they can do anything to a Joe Schmoe like you or me!!!"
JERRY: "Okay okay, calm down 'Joe Schmoe', just use Newmans computer for a while."
KRAMER: "Newmans banned too. Don't ask why, it's real bad."
JERRY: "Okay well, how long are you banned for anyway?"
KRAMER: "...A couple years"
JERRY: "Well that's not the worst, it gives you time to go outside every few days. How many?"
KRAMER: "...Two-hundred...fifty..."
audience laughter
JERRY: "TWO-HUNDRED FIFTY???"
KRAMER: "... Seven. Two-hundred fifty-seven."
audience laughs harder
JERRY: "Years?"

KRAMER: "It's not good, Jerry."
JERRY: "Well geez, I think you're underselling this. You might want to upgrade this from 'Not good' to 'Slightly worrisome'!"
buzzer goes off, it's George, Jerry buzzes him in
KRAMER: "Well that's the thing Jerry, there's this loophole. If I post from someone else's computer, it's like I was never banned!"
JERRY: "Because it's a different computer, so they don't know it's you."
KRAMER: "But it is me!"
JERRY: "It is you, but it's not you."
KRAMER: "It's not me, even though it is me! I'm evading the ban!"
JERRY: "A ban evasion..."
KRAMER: "Exactly. A ban evasion."
JERRY: "So how do you go about this evasion?"
George enters
KRAMER: "George! Just the man I wanted to see! Your old man still has that printer at the house, right? Connected to the desktop computer?"
GEORGE: "Yeah, need me to print something for you?"
KRAMER: "Oh I just needed something small, mind if I run over, get on the computer, and do something really quick?"
GEORGE: "Sure, here's my spare key"
KRAMER: "Fantastic, thank you, I'll give it right back!"
Kramer rushes out the door
GEORGE: "What's that about?"
JERRY: "Kramer got IP banned by his internet thing."
GEORGE: "Any Forums???"
JERRY: "Yeah, you know about it?"
GEORGE: "Know about it, I post there all the time!"
JERRY: "So they like you there?"
GEORGE: "... Well, I mean... I post there all the time!"
JERRY: "And anyone is allowed to post."
GEORGE: "... Yeah, well..."

JERRY: "As much as they want, anonymously, with no limit."
GEORGE: "Well, you might get banned for spamming bad threads and posts or something like Sneed *chuckle* but it's good when they get banned, so it's not really infinite. "
a small silence lingers as Georges chuckles fade
GEORGE: "... Hey Jerry... What did Kramer get banned for?"
audience laughter
bass pop, end scene
JERRY: "He was spamming threads."
GEORGE: "So? Just wait three days, no problem, go outside and do something else."
JERRY: "When was the last time you went outside and did something else?"
GEORGE: "Last time I got banned."
JERRY: "And what did you do?"
GEORGE: "...I came here, why do you think I'm here? C'mon, let's go see a movie."
JERRY: "Kramer is banned for two hundred..."
GEORGE: *sputters* "What? Two hundred days?"
JERRY: "Two hundred and fifty-seven years."
GEORGE: "Jerry...he ain't comin' back from that."
JERRY: "Nope."
GEORGE: "I'll call my uncle, he knows a guy who knows a guy at the ISP. He'll give him a new IP."
JERRY: "You can do that?"
GEORGE: "If you get up we can go see him after we see the movie, c'mon."
JERRY: "You just want me to drive."
GEORGE: "....so?"
KRAMER: *slides in, audience cheers*
JERRY: "..."
KRAMER: "Well?"
JERRY: "What, what is it, what happened, what are you planning, and what do I have to do to stay out of it?"

KRAMER: "I just need one thing."
JERRY: "One thing? Just one thing? Do you know what George was planning? What his uncle was gonna do?"
KRAMER: "Well...no. I wasn't there, Jerry. I'm not a psychic...are you a psychic?"
JERRY: "What. What do you need."
KRAMER: "Bitcoin."
JERRY: "What is a bitcoin? Like those chocolate coins you get at easter in the little bag?"
KRAMER: *walks over to kitchen* "I love those" *begins rooting through cabinets*
JERRY: "Easter for six months ago, Kramer! I'm tired, George made me go see Encino Man and I had to deal with his uncle. He's gonna get you a new IP."
KRAMER: "That's child's play. I got a new angle."
JERRY: "Yeah, a new angle, is this like the scam with the Cubans?"
KRAMER: "...what agency you with..."
JERRY: "Kramer! What!"
KRAMER: "VPN."
JERRY: "I don't know what that is Kramer."
KRAMER: "I need 85 dollars in bitcoin to get a VPN and a Any Forums pass."
JERRY: "I thought anyone could post on Any Forums."
KRAMER: "Jerry, have you been listening? Two hundred and fifty seven years, Jerry! I'll be dead! You'll be dead! The sun is going to explode! I have a new angle, I gotta get back in the game."
JERRY: "What game, I thought it was a site to talk about movies."
KRAMER: "And TV shows and wrestling, and sometimes pornography and politics. You name it, you can talk about it."
JERRY: "One of those things is not like the others, Kramer! That's why you got banned for a quarter of a millennium!"
KRAMER: "Ah, that's my angle. I use bitcoin to get the VPN and the Any Forums pass and I bypass the ban."
JERRY: "You're gonna spend 85 bucks for that?"
KRAMER: "Well, you have bitcoin. Just let me borrow some."
JERRY: "What makes you think I have bitcoin? I thought it was chocolate candies!"
KRAMER: "Well, Jerry...y'know..."
JERRY: "I know what?"
KRAMER: "Well, you're a jew."

Kramer bursts through door

Kramer: Hey, Jerry, you know that six million number you've been telling me about? Yeah, well I've been looking into it and it's just not adding up. It's not adding up, Jerry!!

Jerry: oh would you give it a rest already?

Kramer: No I'm serious Jerry! Im going to get to the bottom of this, mark my words!

Jerry: yeah, yeah...

Kramer turns to leave and almost walks into Elaine standing right behind him

Kramer: eeYOWWW!!

Audience laughs

Kramer exits

Elaine: What's up with him?

Jerry: oh he's back on the six million thing again.

Elaine: Again? Did you show him the pile of shoes?

Jerry: Yes! I showed him the pile of shoes! He said that's not enough proof!

Elaine: Jeez, well maybe he's on to something...

Jerry: exasperated Oh, not you too!

George: You have to trade with me Jerry!
Jerry: I told you not to pick the umbrella. Why did you pick it?
George: I thought they would give me one. It's hot out here and I wanted shade.
George: Elaine what did you get?
Elaine: A circle.
George: want to trade?
Elaine: sure
George:Really?
Elaine: No, not on you fat circular head
George: Kramer, trade?
Kramer: Sorry, I have a good feeling about this Star buddy.
George: It's not fair! You guys get easy shapes and I'm stuck with this umbrella!
Jerry: Will you quit complaining, you're running out of time.
Player 265 success
Jerry: Who was that?
George: Looks like Newman
Jerry: NEWMAN!
Newman drops a lighter by Kramer
Kramer: Whoa mamma!
Player 356 success
Kramer: See you guys. I'll save you some bunks
Elaine: This is taking forever.
Jerry: Look at that guy, he's licking the cookie!
Everyone starts licking thier cookies
Player 167 success
Jerry: Elaine, how did you finish so fast?
Elaine: Eh, I had practice in college.
Jerry cuts the final part of the triangle
Player 100 success
Jerry: Look at that. A perfect triangle. Every corner as perfect as the other. You know the triangle is the strongest shape?
George: Will you quit talking,I'm trying to concentrate!
Jerry eats the cookie
George: Good?
Jerry: Eh, it's no black and white
George: You can't leave me here alone Jerry!
Jerry: Just lick the cookie.
George continues licking his cookie
George: THIS COOKIE IS MAKING ME THIRSTY!

intro to jery's apartment, George & jery are watching TV

JERY: why are we watching this?
GEORGE: this woman at my office, absolute knock out, smiled at me the other day
JERY: so?
GEORGE: I saw her reading one of those Harry Potter books
JERY: And that's your IN? Harry Potter?
GEORGE: I'm a bald middle aged man who lives with his parents, I'll take what IN I can get
[kramer bursts through the door]
KRAMER: CMON THESE ARE THE TIMES OF OUR YOUNG LIVES JERY AND YOUR SITTING AROUND WATCHING MAGIC SHOWS ON TV
GEORGE: It's drizzling outside...
JERY: It's Harry Potter Kramer, you don't know Harry Potter?
KRAMER: I've seen those superhero films, they're all the same, flying around on sticks, wish whoosing about, forget it
[cut to all of them attentively watching the final Harry Potter film eagerly with Popcorn]
[Elaine gets buzzed in]
KRAMER: I don't get it why Voldemort just AVA CADABRA all the kids?
JERY: Kramer, it's a kids film
GEORGE: Quiet, quiet, an important bit is coming up
KRAMER: What does the green beam do, is that better than the red beam?
[Elaine enters the apt]
JERY: Hey, who's your friend?
ELAINE'S FRIEND: George?
ELAINE: You two know each other, what are you watching?
[George starts visibly sweating as he sees Elaine's friend holding a Twilight book]

(Cold-cut into the middle of a conversation between Jerry, George and Kramer)
JERRY: So, basically, it turns out I'm dating a transwoman!
GEORGE: A transwoman?
JERRY: Yep.
GEORGE: So... that's a man who--
JERRY: Nope, transwomen are women.
GEORGE: Huh.
KRAMER: You got it, buddy. Transwomen were assigned male at birth.
GEORGE: Assigned? Alright. Well I can't wait to meet him-- err...
JERRY: George...
KRAMER: (tittering) That's misgendering.
GEORGE: Sorry... I can't wait to meet her.
JERRY: Well she had to cancel tonight. She had a dilation emergency.
GEORGE: Dilation? You know what, I don't wanna know.
KRAMER: *shoves iPhone in front of George's face showing google image of neovagina being dilated that he already had loaded up*
GEORGE: OH MY GOD...
(Jerry and Kramer stare menacingly)
GEORGE: ...Oh my god, how, err, beautiful. Thanks, Kramer...

What kind of schizo reposts this entire thread everyday?

J. Peterman lets Elaine work from home
She gets bored and goes outside for a frappuchino whatever
Walks around the corner
Stares directly into J. Peterman's face
Next scene she's quarantined at her work behind glass
J. Peterman talking to everybody
"AND SO WHEN I SAW ELAINE WALKING OUTSIDE WHILE SHE SHOULD BE IN QUARANTINE I THOUGHT TO MYSELF.. J.. YOU GOTTA PROTECT THE PEOPLE AGAINST THOSE WHO THINK COVID IS JUST SOME SORT OF LITTLE FLU!! AND THAT'S WHY ELAINE IS NOW QUARANTINED HERE BEHIND GLASS FOR THE NEXT 4 WEEKS! YOU CAN ALL SLIDE HER WORK THROUGH THIS SPECIALLY DESIGNED PETERMAN AIR-LOCK(tm)"
*Elaine face pressed against glass, whispering* "I don't even have covid..."

Jerry: so let me get this straight, if I may. You paid for a picture of a monkey.
George: an ape!
Jerry: an ape?
Kramer: you know, they have the opposable thumbs.
Jerry: Okay, an ape. Excuse me.
Kramer: and no tails. Monkeys do, apes don’t.
Jerry: THANK YOU. An ape. In a sailor’s outfit.
George: it was a valuable combination! Do you know how rare a sea-green ascot is?
Jerry: no, I can’t say that I do.
Kramer: *brow furrows*
Jerry: and you spent how much?
George: *unintelligible*
Jerry: did I hear that right? With a couple zeros on the end?
George: it was an investment!
Jerry: an investment, okay, sure. You know generally investments are supposed to go, you know…*indicates upward*…right?
George: it’s going to! The Wall Street bets people on reddit wouldn’t lie to me! It’s about HODL!
Jerry: hodil? Is that like the grocery company?
*Kramer returns to reality with a bump* that’s it!
George: no, HODL! Like hold, but hold on for dear life! I have to hold and hold, and hold, and my bored apes will be sailing to the moon, Jerry!
Kramer: you know you should have come to me if you wanted green ascots. I have a guy who can get you ascots, imported. From Sweden. WHOLESALE!
Jerry: Swedish, huh. What’s the company? Is it…Hodl?
Kramer: you know, that rings a bell!
George: *visibly gives up on life*

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he GAPED me jerry
he gaped you?
wide as the grand canyon
i can't believe this...was he spongeworthy?
he didn't even try for that hole jerry, just bent me over, face down in the mattress and gaped me as wide as a sinkhole
i swear if he jumped in he could have ended up in china!
i can't believe you got gaped
by the time we were done, his whole apartment hallway reeked of ass
(george enters)
Whats going on?
Elaine got gaped
Jerrryy don't tell him that
(georges stares and breathes heavily)
you were gaped? I can't believe this
Whats the problem
do you know how long I've tried to gape a woman? I'm lucky if I can spread at all!
(kramer enters)
GIDDY UP!

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