Utterly destroys your movie, which happens to suck

>Utterly destroys your movie, which happens to suck

Attached: yms.jpg (225x225, 4.35K)

I thought I would like sardonicast but I don't. Why mess is still the best reviewer out of all of them Ralph is kind of okay he bases his shit more on feelings. I still don't know what the fuck I hate everything contributes to anything. Honestly YMS Jeremy Jahns and then like Ralph or someone in-between like Doug would be a great spectrum to cover. You get the pretentious film watcher you get the everyman, and then you get the pseudo intellectual. Although maybe CinemaSins Jeremy or Chris stuckman but I feel like Chris would be too boring

>utterly fucks dogs

*in nasally voice*
>i thought the shot compostion color grading aspect elements poopoo peepee nitpicking were not good i'm giving this one a 1/10

>utterly destroys your dog's anus, which happens to prolapse

>Utterly destroys your doggo, which happens to suck (his cock)

>I don't like this font, therefore the whole movie is bad.
>They did a digital zoom? Instead of a camera zoom?? Literally garbage
>The temperature were not as cold as the behind the scenes claims to be! The actors are not ACTUALLY freezing to death? Ugh.
>Ghost,(The fictional idea) can't feel live. That's stupid. Love is a chemichal reaction, ghosts can't perceive that
>This scene in this horror movie is dark! Why don't people turn on the light? Is it to create a mood? Ooof
>Were is the sound of that car passing in the background? Unwatchable

dog fucker

He sounds like a more retarded Confused Matthew

didn't this guy rape a dog?

Doesnt this guy fuck dogs

He fucks dogs

>praises a movie, says nothing bad about it
>6/10
>completely shits on a movie, says it's horrible or generic
>6/10
What an autistic rating system, I know it's because he's too scared to say he enjoyed a popcorn flick

>Rapes your dog

>misinterprets the ending to First Reformed than doubles down when called out
>thought that the house that jack built was a straight drama and all the humor was unintentional
>Thinks Citizen Kane invented plot structure when called out he moves the goal post
>Thinks death proof’s plot structure is unique despite it being identical to Psycho and it’s many clones
>Unironically thinks anyone who likes Welles or Kurosawa only likes them because they makes them look smart
>can’t comprehend that there is more than one type of editing style
>docks Happiness a point because he thinks that the pedophile didn’t suffer enough
>Doesn’t understand the purpose of repetition in film and docks a film for having two scenes that are similar
>is easily distracted by minor issues with a film which details him paying attentional all leading to him assuming or misinterpreting things
>Needs for everything to be explained and doesn’t understand the concept of magical realism
>doesn’t get that the Cloud is Sils Maria superhero scene is supposed to look as ridiculous as possible to highlight the juvenile nature of capeshit
>Thinks most editing equals best editing then moves the goal post when called out and says he just thought the categories were made to include blockbusters at the oscars despite the category first winner being in 1934 and was a documentary
>Says they’ll never be another Matrix then clarifies that he means that studios wouldn’t take another risk on funding a large original project. Despite them doing that yearly. Jupiter ascending has almost three times the budget of The Matrix.
>His fans are a bunch of pseuds that legitimately think Kaufman Is one of the best directors ever
>Thinks Uncle Boonmee experience was akin to viewing a slideshow of nice locations
>Thinks David Lynch films don’t have any meaning or purpose to their strangeness
>His review of the Turin horse boiled down to “I get it life sucked in the olden days do something”

>gets filtered by Apichatpong Weerasethakul
>gets filtered by Tsai Ming-liang
>gets filtered by Bela Tarr
>gets filtered by Carax
>gets Lynched
>Undine bad because plotholes which I am not going to specify
>old movies le bad...because...technology is better now
>is that A HANDHELD CAMERA WITH NO STEADICAM? AAAAAHHHHH I'M GOING INSAAANEEE
>fucks your dog

Remember when he bragged about being interested in how a movie does something and not what a movie does ("unlike most people") and gave the example of "Species" vs. "Under the Skin" which are both movies about sexy aliens killing men (of course he said that "Under the Skin" was the good one. I'm sure he never even watched a second of "Species")? Literally the next stream he said that "Your Name" sucks because it was literally just "Donnie Darko" or "the Lakehouse". He's a faggot.

>filtered by Silent films
lmao imagine being this dogfucker

reminder that literally the only reason he has such a hate boner for Lynch is that one ancient clip where Lynch was complaining about people watching movies on their Iphones.

>Utterly destroys your dog's anus, which happens to suck (his dick)

I don't like him but you realize you can like a movie and still think it's bad and vice versa