An excerpt from a script I'm writing. Your thoughts?

An excerpt from a script I'm writing. Your thoughts?

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Unless it's a jigsaw fanfic I'm already very very bored. BORED.

uhhmmm, i'm thinking it's shit :)))) poopy shit! lol! it stinks like damn ass dude :DDDD poop shit

Pretty poopy ngl

you're explaining too much. if the whole script has to deal with explanations, then find another way to get information across.

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Its not your best work

this is me, Netflix. we think you have potential and would like you as a writer for our next Netflix Original Series

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Have Esme either get naked or get killed off

This Esme character has lived in Montclair state all their life?
> "your elementary school teacher doesn't know what they're talking about"
is a lame comeback

I'd like to ravage you non consensually

any cunny to be included?

>ESME
stopped reading there

Why isn't it 75% N-word?

You're like 5 years behind the times at least. Unless this is a boomer tier popcorn flick, this misunderstanding isn't going to resonate with anyone. Most people, whether they agree with it or not, understand preferred pronouns

Yeah... Keep your Any Forums janitor job

So what is Esme really? "Non-binary" doesn't convey any actual information about a person

they is plural user, you should probably learn english before trying to write professionally

tbhon not completely judgeable without knowing where in the script this falls or what’s going on. But without Hitchcock’s proverbial bomb under the table long speeches are boring and to be avoided. Either have something ticking down in the background or revelations made in the discussion
Do you have a logline or paragraph overview?

I vaguely recall you posting other excepts in past threads showing Henry to be an absolute nut and it was pretty good. This one is a bit too on the nose though and is a pretty tired scenario

You’re joking, but they’ve probably made real offers for scripts which read exactly like this