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nice numerals

>be me, highschool
>cute girl asks me if i want to come over after school
>think to myself "wow i think she might want to do something sexual holy cow this has never happened to me before"
>i go over after school
>she takes me on a "tour of her house"
>ends in her bedroom
>she asks me if i want to see her "cool lights"
>she shuts off the lights, turns on some disco ball thing, a black light, some other shit, it's like i'm in a japanese whore house or something
>she sits on the bed, says "user our house has no insulation between floors, my mom is upstaris and she can hear EVERYTHING that happens down here"
>in my head I think "huh, that's weird. when she turned on all those lights i kind of thought she wanted sex, but she just said her mom can hear everything so that must mean we can't have sex"
>I say "Ok.. well thanks for inviting me over, see you at school tomorrow" and walk out the door
>years later it dawns on me that she wanted hot D and just was telling me to keep it quiet
>i'm a fucking retarded faggot retard and want to kill myself now because no one wants to fuck me

please help me i'm completely retarded

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A friend egged me on to fuck his drunk passed out sister at a party. I didn't because he had another friend fuck her first. Or maybe he did it himself.

I missed a lot of obvious signs too. When I was really young, like fifth grade, I got a girlfriend. But for some reason a few days later my friend told me she asked me out as a joke, then I was worried I was being made fun of, so I asked out the ugliest girl in the class out as a joke like pretty obnoxiously, and everyone was laughing, but my “girlfriend” at the time left and went into the bathroom to cry. Then a couple years later in seventh grade after that blew over and was forgotten about she said to me “I wish I had a boyfriend. Don’t you wish you had a girlfriend” and that time I was pretty sure what she meant but I was too nervous to ask her out or say anything so I just said “yeah” or something. Although those aren’t the worse things that I still think about from my childhood

Why did you break up?

>all the good hookers have left

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Was she hot? If she wasn’t I don’t blame you, but it sounds like you might’ve missed a golden opportunity. Kinda fucked up it was his sister. One time at a party though my friend’s girlfriend was passed out and he said we should go fuck her in the butt, but he was joking to be fair

>be me
>15 years old at friend's birthday party
>her two dogs start fighting
>i try to break it up and get bit
>literally just a scratch but friend's much older sister with massive tits who was babysitting the party insists she drives me to the hospital for a tetanus shot or some shit
>she drives in opposite direction of hospital
>pulls in to driveway of some house
>its actually her house
>turns car off then looks at me, not saying a word
>not understanding because I was a dumbass, I ask "so uhh... what are we doing here?"
>she blinks and says "Oh... right. My bad."
>drives me back to the party without saying a word
>only later understand that I could've had my face smothered by her massive tits
>never manage to date or hook up with a chick with big juggs even to this day
I'll never forget this shit. I was such a fucking IDIOT.

Sure, I've got a good one
>be 17
>a few days after Halloween
>hanging out with ex girlfriend and current girlfriend
>they are friends
>hanging out in my friends basement
>girls are both flirting with me
>my friend notices
>he goes upstairs to "shower"
>total bro move
>girls asking me who was the better kisser
>tell them I'm not sure and that I'd have to try both
>start making out with them
>ffwd
>one of the girls notice a little tiny pirate hat beside the futon we're fucking on
>it was my friends 3 year old brothers from halloween
>they put it on me and laugh
>continue fucking them wearing a toddlers pirate hat
>all 3 of us are naked as fuck
>apparently my friends uncle was coming over to pick something up for the kids
>he sends his wife downstairs to look for whatever it was
>hfw she walks in on naked teenage me getting a double blw job from two scene girls wearing only a pirate hat

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Epic.

I was looking after my boss' place whilst he was away and I fucked one of the girls I work with in his bed

Yeah, I had a similar experience and regretted it just as hard given I became a permavirgin not long after. That's how it goes though.

I fucked my gf in the ass on my roommate's treasured plush beanbag. I also fucked her while someone else was in the room sleeping, twice.