>"Harry, did I ever tell you about Sirius Black? He was your father's best friend. They bonded since childhood over their mutual cruelty towards that creepy incel Snape. James and Sirius were so close that James made Sirius your godfather."
>"During Voldemort's first reign of terror Sirius did everything he could to fight the Death Eaters. Sirius was a hero, he put everything on the line time and time again. But unfortunately for Sirius, I was not so loyal to him!" Dumbledore cackled calmly.
>"You see Harry, there was another man your father was friends with named Peter Pettigrew. He was a greasy little fatass, and I have no idea why James or Sirius liked him. I think they only let him tag along on their torturing sessions because the idea of Snape being dominated by a nasty lardball like Pettigrew amused them. Pettigrew betrayed your parents to Voldemort out of spite because he knew he'd never be a chad like James and Sirius."
>"Pettigrew framed Sirius for what he did and stretched his legs into hiding, causing Sirius to be imprisoned in Azkaban. Azkaban is the wizard's prison, a living hell inhabited by demonic spirits that feed off of human sanity. I could have prevented it, Harry. But instead I watched them drag your godfather out of the courtroom in chains, I stared into his eyes and relished in what I saw. The terror, the despair, the betrayal. He knew he was in for some SIRIUS suffering!" Dumbledore chuckled.
>"You have no idea how satisfying it is to wield such power over another human being. The intoxication of holding a person's life in your hands, only to crush them like an ant as they plead with you helplessly. It was even more pleasurable than the fisting sessions I had with Grindelwald as a boy..." A queer smile played across Dumbledore's face, as he slowly leaned in and stared coldly into Harry's eyes.
>"By now, Sirius must be so broken and traumatized that you couldn't even call him human. He's nothing but a husk. And he was a good friend."
"Harry, did I ever tell you about Sirius Black? He was your father's best friend...
>truth serem exists in wizard world
>they still hold trials instead of just using that
But how can you be sure that the truth serum is really truth serum and not something else?
James, Sirius, and Remus being closet homosexuals has always just seemed 'right' to me, you know?
you'll end up 'right' in the hospital with HIV from getting fucked in the ass you disgusting sodomite
there's nothing 'right' about poop and genitalia
waste disposal and reproduction are two entirely separate matters
by making the truth serum maker take some truth serum, naturally
They also had mind reading. So to bypass this and lie about a crime:
>No witnesses, perfect alibi
>Resist truth serum
>Resist mind reading
>Not have incriminating spells from your wand
I seem to remember something about a sufficiently talented Occlumens being able to circumvent the efficacy of the potion. That could be fanfiction headcanon speaking though.
why was he so mad about harry possibly putting his name into the goblet of fire?
>"Professor Dumbledore, there's something I've been thinking about for a while but it's, umm... m-most people would say it's offensive. That's why I'm coming to you with it." Harry said nervously.
>"Please Harry, by all means, stretch your legs over here and we'll discuss it."
>Harry entered Dumbledore's study, closing the door behind him and sitting down in front of his desk.
>"What has been troubling you Harry?"
>"Well Professor, it's... the Goblins. I've been spending a lot of time reading the Daily Prophet and I've noticed they usually don't discuss the Goblins. And when they do, they always either praise the Goblins or attack someone who's criticizing them. Whenever someone criticizes the Goblins, the paper calls them names like 'Anti-Goblinite' but they never actually explain why their criticism of the Goblins is wrong."
>"Most of the shops in Diagon Alley are actually owned by Goblins. And the banks-"
>"Harry, Harry, that's enough," Dumbledore interjected.
>"You see my boy, what you're doing right now is something called 'pattern recognition'. Pattern recognition is when someone remembers things that happened in the past, and makes connections between events."
>"But Professor, I don't understand. Why is that wrong?" Harry was visibly confused.
>"Oh I know it seems innocent enough Harry. All you're trying to do is learn the truth. But there are some truths which are... hateful. 'Hate-facts', if you will. If one learns enough of these hate-facts, it will... change them. They will become evil."
>"He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is one of those people, Harry. He learned too many truths, hate-facts which are simply unacceptable. They made him what he is today."
>"But Professo-"
>"I don't want to hear anymore about this from you, Harry. No more doing your own research. No more drawing your own conclusions. And especially no more researching the Goblins! Now hurry on to bed, it's getting late."
Harry awoke, his head ringing and sore. He forced open his blood encrusted eyes, and found all he could see was the ceiling. Confused, he tried to turn his head to have a look around, but found it impossible. Perhaps an immobilization charm? As he contemplated this, he gradually became aware of a voice - no, two voices, Dumbledore and McGonnagal - in the background. The headmaster's bearded face appeared above him, his half-moon spectacles gleaming.
"Listen to me, Harry," Dumbledore began. "I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me a name. Don't make me have to do this, please. Don't make me be a bad guy, Potter, come on."
Harry's heart quickened. Was that what this was about? He vaguely remembered the argument that had taken place before he lost consciousness. Was that why he was here? The Goblet?
Harry, of course, had no idea who had put his name in the Goblet. As his memory stretched its legs to search for a name, he began to recall the tortuous events of the past couple of days. Cruciatius Curse after Cruciatius Curse; the deaths of Ron, Hermione, Neville; being forced to watch a sobbing Hagrid pluck, cook, and eat Hedwig. Through broken teeth and a shattered jaw, Harry responded in the only way he knew.
"Fuck... you..."
Dumbledore turned to Professor McGonagall. "This motherfucker, you believe this?" He stared back at Harry. "Two fucking days and nights! Fuck me? FUCK ME? YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" he shouted. Harry winced as he felt the vise tighten.
"FUCK MY MOTHER? THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING TELL ME? YOU MUDDAFUCKA YOU!" Dumbledore roared calmly.
Harry choked as he felt the pressure build. He screwed his eyes shut as tight as he could, but it was no use. With a sickening pop, he felt his left eye exit it's socket.
"Merlin's beard..." Dumbledore grimaced. He shook his head and quickly recovered. "Gimme the fuckin' name!"
Harry was spent. "S-Sirius Black!" he managed to moan. If he gave them a name, maybe they'd stop. Maybe this would all stop.
"Sirius Black?" Dumbledore repeated in disgust. "Sirius Black? YOU MADE ME POP YOUR EYE OUTTA YOUR FUCKIN HEAD TO PROTECT THAT PIECE OF SHIT?!? SIRIUS BLACK!! YOU DUMB MUDDAFUCKER!!"
"Kill... me..." Harry slurred, his grasp on reality steadily slipping. He saw his Mom and Dad, he saw Hedwig, he saw all his friends. They beckoned him forth.
"Kill you? You muddafucker you! Minerva, do him a fuckin' favor." the headmaster ordered.
As Dumbledore strutted out of the room, Professor McGonagall produced a switchblade from beneath her robes. Harry felt searing pain in his throat, and hot blood spurting across his chest. He considered, for a moment, that he had just sentenced his godfather to a similar fate. As his sense of responsibility dropped off him like a lead weight and found himself in death's embrace, he heard Albus Dumbledore's voice one last time.
"Sirius fuckin' Black!"
i am enjoying this thread
what about mutual masturbation and frottage with no penetration?
Okay, but James/Regulus is widely accepted to be canon at least, right? We all the saw the signs of two blazing, star-crossed souls pulled apart by war and ancestral commitments... simmering just beneath the surface.
is it ever explained in a non retarded way how harrys best friends family just happen to be taking care of pettigrew for years and that he didnt just kill harry in his sleep at anytime during the first two years?
what happens if you implant memories you could just make a bunch of people who think they're assassins' and get away with murder while they take the fall
sure, ill explain it again right now
JKR is a talentless slag who copied star wars and lotr, dumbed it down and dressed it up as a british boarding school
there are plot holes so big you can fly a hippogryf through them
Muteba Gizenga.jpg
>Draco exists
>he's a boy
all teen boys do this
n-nothing gay about it
In what way is Harry Potter like Star Wars or LOTR, aside from very common ideas such as a chosen protagonist and unambiguous heroes and villains?
>he said calmly