/brit/

>parents were married 3 years ago from the age i am now
>ive never kissed a girl
Its over

post /brit/ stories?
have you ever had a meet-up? howd it go?

that's fascinating, great stuff
*walks away to talk to someone else*

Anime!

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I'll kiss you mate

grim

love when my muslim mate posts pics of him in those big robe things lol

wouldn’t it be the other way around

Boiled carrots in a pot roast are the most peng vegetable on earth followed by some good ol white sweetcorn

Worst vegetable? Red cabbage, boiled

How much is your foreskin meant to retract when you're erect? Should it fully retract and contract with every full thrust (when shagging) or tug (when masturbating)? Or is it meant to go into the retracted state and then stay that way all the time you're erect?

t. confused phimo-haver

big cauliflower man, me. come from a big cauliflower family. roasted cauliflower, steamed cauliflower, cauliflower cheese, you name it i love it

no? i'm circumcised

A description of male rats when put into caged society

>Among the males the behavior disturbances ranged from sexual deviation to cannibalism and from frenetic overactivity to a pathological withdrawal from which individuals would emerge to eat, drink and move about only when other members of the community were asleep

i don’t get why having a foreskin prohibits him from shagging his bed

Lass on the train absentmindedly sucking off her sun tan lotion
Does she know what she's doing? Impossible to say

Shhhaaksuuu!!!

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how much do brits spend on alcohol ea month?

stays retracted during sex because it's wet

I've recently switched from an iPhone 11 Pro Max to a Samsung 22+ and have been enjoying the extra customisation that Android offers.

i'm not sure i've never had one

uncircumcised penis smells no matter how much you clean it

Morning ‘spro

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i'm pro-cut

Ktim

main bathroom in the house ill be inheriting is almost the same size as my current apartment lol

Doesn’t it have a 90hz or 120hz refresh rate.

Me in a flatshare

hygiene and pain

suck a lot of it do you

nice lad can i move in?

looks more like a 'at 'ite or a 'tado

I’m circumcised but I can pull my dick skin all the way over my head even when fully erect. Am I half cut or something?

*dips my balls in it to break the pattern*

that’s not true

when im hard my forey goes snug under my bellend, but i have a very aesthetic foreskin to cock ratio even when im soft

ahahaha great stuff

answering a question with a question is for retards mate. try again

what? circumcised cocks can't do that

It’s a ‘tado but it’s all ‘spro, ‘rother

whats it like in uganda?

into the bathroom yeh

don't contradict me

Is it because you don’t have an answer?

Don't be hard on him, he's Irish.

currently supporting the australian music industry

any nopoo man in

What about when you get a chub on normally? Let's say somebody posts a lewd picture in /brit/ and it gets you going - will your bellend automatically pop out from underneath your foreskin as you get hard?

>i have a very aesthetic foreskin to cock ratio even when im soft
How do you mean?

you had a foreskin before they cut it off

nice! throw in some lettuce leafs and ill wash them for you as thanks for letting me go there. maybe this is the start of a good relationship we will have?

Mad that shrooms/truffles are illegal in the UK
Me and the gf munched a box of truffles each and had a great time pissing about in the Vondelpark, just harmless fun innit

that's practically the same as never having one

yeh, from you. but you keep dancing around like a poof trying to avoid admitting you might not know what youre talking about.

I am definitely circumcised but also when soft I can pull my skin WAY over my pecker head like I can hide it inside my body and yeh when I’m fully hard I’ve still got plenty of skin to move around, never had to use lotion to beat off in my life

Think I won the cock mutilation lottery

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me? very fat and wide willy with a big meaty foreskin

they grow everywhere here

Don't ever copy my post again

depends on hardness. usually the knob raises up and the 'skin stays up until it's almost at full mast then it goes down on its own

circumcision sets the precedent of genital mutilation being relatively normal practice and as such makes it easier to brainwash people into being trannies

You’re the one dancing around asking silly questions but get upset when you receive the same in return. Wasn’t the gotcha you thought it was, brainlet.

well no it’s actually the complete opposite of that

foreskin problems, sounds gross. couldn't be me

whats it like in uganda??

looks like a knifeful of nutella

Doctors always told me my foreskin was WAY too thick but I never let them cut me. Thoughts?

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on a softy my foreskin rests about 3/4 up my bellend leaving my pisser exposed, once i start buffing up it tucks its self away neatly

Boris Johnson sex arse stock skyrocketing.

wrong

Bought a box of truffles from Holland when I was a first-year uni student, ordered it direct to the porter's office at my halls too
Were in a legal grey area at the time but they've been upgraded to Class A now, and probably would have been considered that way by my uni if they'd found out about them
Bit of a ballsy move from young me in retrospect, wouldn't be so daring now

I know, but that there's a law against something that grows all over the shop is mad

The biggest red pill is that "foreskin" doesn't actually exist.

There's not like an extra flap of skin or something, when I look at my natural penis, it's a continual stretch of skin from the base of the penis to the very top. When yank babies get mutilated, they just have the end of their dick skin jettisoned. The word "foreskin" is cope to make it seem like it's a separate bit of skin, when it isn't

uganda be kidding me!

proof?

the laws around shrooms are weird, you're legally allowed to pick them as long as you don't trespass on private land

lib caps (the best shrooms imo) are rife in the UK and grow literally fucking everywhere

Figure that one out all by yourself you fucking genius?

ok
next time mike, do a very quick google on EU membership criteria before straying into topics you clearly have no knowledge on.
i know most people here already think youre a mong, but its not a good look.

Doing a poo

t. knows nothing about anatomy

whens /britfeel/

I like chestnut mushrooms x

A criteria that can be easily met I’m sure.

Live in a nice part of london that's used as a filming location. Some mongs are here today getting some stuff for a netflix series. Fucking hate the cunts they get all these enormous parking suspensions so everyone who actually lives here needs to move their car several streets away and then they stop you walking up and down the road while they're shooting. Fuck OFF and get out of my neighbourhood.

Its like opium

The shit grows everywhere
You're technically not allowed to harvest it for drugs but no officer is going to be checking

Its only ganja that they get autistic about.
Shrooms and Opium grows everywhere and no one really gives a toss about if you imbibe them

give him your car
he’s your bank now

criterion*

Saw some extremely cute puppies yesterday and went to take a picture, the roastoid walking them stood in front of them and shouted at me kek
famous dogs or something?

kek I remember when he said this

>tarq problems
yeah don't care

british banks are actually quite good and not as evil as the american ones, who want you to eat ze bugs

love mushrooms

White people be like “let’s split up and look for clues”

not sure what happened but up until about 3 years ago i was always a one and done spaffer, one big dirty rope and the rest would kind of ooze out like gelatin

but now im a big spaffer, first load of the day will have at least 5 strong ropes of jizz fired

heart bleeds for you tarq

they have no authority to stop walking along a public street. go and ruin their filiming as a big fuck you

Do you get paid for the inconvenience at least?

scrembling

mushroom wanker loves his fucking mushrooms

ex gf made me opium tea once, very peng

ivee never ever seen an australian woman. not even on the internet.

uganda be kidding me
*stifles laughter*

20 goyshekels have been deposited into your 0.25% interest bank account

me either

aha yeah me neither *hides my HUGE BREAST and WET PUSSY*

>british banks are actually quite good

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*walks towards you*

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american "person" detected

Don't get it

Been stretching my foreskin every day for more than a year now, but alas when I get a chub on foreskinberg remains firmly in place completely over the bellend. If I retract before I get hard then I can just about maintain it in the retracted position and have a successful tug (cumming with foreskin back feels much better, who knew), but it's a little uncomfortable. Wonder what I still need to do to get past the final stage.

White people be like “welp”

already blown through £3k this month and not sure what on
need my head checked

american "person" detected
i said BRITSH banks are quite good

of course, in the past I've done this.

no, they just put a standard letter through the door of everyone's houses/flats explaining what they're doing and "thank you for your cooperation"

sounds like your frenulum is too tight lad, get a doctor to put an incision in your banjo string

Brought my sex drive to the mechanic
It's a write-off

What sort of drugs mong wasters did you date? Get a clue

Dangerous because you can't dose properly

But easy as fuck to obtain
All the grannies by me have gardens that are heaving with the stuff

this
runt druggie of a gf

seething incel

My body and mind are a temple

stop buying the haribo scented candles... theyre not really limited edition

bitches want a joji but walk past filthy frank every day...

A brutal thug who attacked and robbed an 83-year-old former Mayor of Bolton after following him home, has been jailed.
Muhammad Tehseen, spotted Noel Spencer, who served as a councillor for almost 50 years, in a Bolton town centre bank.
Despite the veteran politician’s attempts to shake him off, 31-year-old Tehseen followed him through the town centre and as he boarded a bus back to his Farnworth home.
As the pensioner tried to shut his front door, Tehseen barged his way into the property and dragged him into a bedroom where he viciously attacked him before stealing his wallet.
He had refused to speak to a psychiatrist to assess his mental state after concerns were raised about him.
At Bolton Crown Court Tehseen was jailed for five years and three months.
theboltonnews.co.uk/news/20266339.thug-jailed-robbery-former-bolton-mayor-noel-spencer/

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If you want to know what opium feels like

Go to the gym
Then have a hot shower
Dry off and chill out in bed

70% the same sensation

How much would you spend on a holiday per night?