Be ooga boogas

>be ooga boogas
>get settled by Greeks
>get settled by Romans
>become Christian
>defeat Bulgar and Hungarian steppe horde
>Serbian king comes to Croatia and pleads for help against Bulgar savages
>we save their asses
>eventually native dynasty dies out and we accept Hungarian overlordship, which is kinda gay
>later fall under Habsburg rule
>Croatians play major part in the Renaissance
>however a lot of the country becomes a battleground against cockroaches
>eventually remove roaches
>otherwise participate in all of the major wars and events of the Habsburgs
>during Thirty Years War, Croatians are known as Habsburgs' elite shock troops and are much feared in battle--usually whenever they showed up, you knew the battle was over and you may as well drop your weapons and run
>after Napoleonic Wars, nationalism emerges and intellectuals promote use of Serbo-Croatian language instead of German or Hungarian
>although we help the Austrian emperor put down Hungarian rebels in 1848, he acts like a dick and takes away some of our autonomy anyway
>go into WWI
>almost the entire male population under 45 is drafted and we suffer tens of thousands of casualties, food shortages, influenza, strikes, and communist protests following Bolshevik revolution
>despite our bravery in killing thousands and thousands of pastaniggers and S*rbs
>after it's over, Austria-Hungary falls apart
>Serbshits march into Croatia completely uninvited as part of bullshit Greater Serbia project
>become part of Yugoslavia which is ruled by Serbian king with Serbian laws, currency, etc
>oh well at least on the good side we removed Hungarian landowners from Croatia
>Serbs also ban nationalist newspapers and books and rig elections so they can have majority in Parliament
>WWII starts

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>Germany invades and dismembers Yugoslavia
>thanks Papa Adolf for liberating us from S*rb tyranny
>but fuck any 85 IQ "patriot" who defend Ustashe they were violent subhumans as many Croatian for opposing them as they did Serbs or whatever
>some commie ginger and his buddies emerge from their bunkers at the end of the war and announce they're in charge now
>kill all Nazis/royalists and dump their bodies in abandoned mine shafts with a bag of quicklime over top
>all hail Comrade Tito!
>after a couple rough years of using police terror to consolidate power, he announces that Russia sucks and he's not going to be their friend
>Russians become insanely butthurt and try to coup Tito but he's not having it
>eventually Tito makes sort of ok communism where you can travel to the West and private property is allowed, although this is mostly due to milking the West for money
>things are doing nicely in the 1960s, we're booming economically, and Cetnik/Ustashi retards are either dead, locked up in Goli Otok, or forced to get actual job and education
>70s oil crisis fucks up the economy
>Tito dies
>things start to come apart hard
>hey cool, we're a country for the first time in 800 years ruled by closet Ustashi Tudman
>Serbshits manage to mistake SFY for interwar Yugoslavia and think that Yugoslavia=Serbia
>they chimp out and try to invade us when we have no army and only WWII weapon taken from museum but get completely routed
>war ends in 1995
>we join EU and become rich while laughing at Serbs eating American cruise missiles in 1999 and losing more and more clay each decade
>Serbia continues to be decaying favela-tier shithole with ruined buildings from the bombings that have never been rebuilt and they can't do a thing except rage about it on Any Forums
>go in World Cup
>so close and yet so far

>conquered greece
>conquered egypt
>conquered persia
>conquered india
>ruled the byzantine empire for 300+ years
>ruled the bulgarian and serbian empire
>created an alphabet used by 400 million people daily
>spread christianity to slavs
>called romans by the ottomans
>created philosophers like Aristotle and rulers like Alexander, Justinian, Basil II, Ataturk and many roman emperors
>free gibs from Yugoslavia
>*makes whole countries SEETHE by just existing*

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>defeat injuns
>defeat bongs
>defeat spics
>defeat krauts
>put guy on Moon
>defeat gommunism
>defeat Osama

Then you slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia

>be south slavs
>balkanoid idiots so must have many separate tiny countries
>steal name of Greek region to name your new forged identity that you made up in order to not be part of Serbia or something
>claim to be ancient Greek descendants
why are you like this?

>be anglos (or anglo-scots) with a dream
>move to the new continent and start a successful colony that grows ever larger
>unbelievably rich Freemasons use a vocal minority and their endless money to put you under their rule
>hell forever ensues
>China soon to take over

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>be ooga boogas
>WWI
>be commies
>WWII
>be commies
>Cold War
>be shitty capitalistic cunt
>Ukrainian War
>be ooga boogas

>berber oogaboogas
>Phoenicians come and settle and create Rome's greatest rival
>close to greatness, but falls apart in the end
>get conquered by Rome, but carry on as usual
>Rome falls, stay as one of the 3 big economic and cultural centers of North Africa
>Muslims come and convert everyone by treating them terribly and raising taxes on non Muslims
>rise again after the fracture of the caliphate to a new golden age
>terrorize the Mediterranean through piracy
>close to greatness, but fall apart when the turks come
>turks leave, french come, french leave, dictator comes
>close to uniting the Maghreb with Gaddafi
>falls apart because of dumb Moroccan and Algerian disputes
>end up the smallest Maghreb nation used as a resource tile by France
We can't catch a break

>created an alphabet used by 400 million people daily

These are the Bulgarians.