/NG/ The Northman General: Kino Event of the year edition

We know it’s going to be good but HOW good should we expect it to be? Are we talking “Awesome film I’ll see three times in theaters,” or are we taking contender for the greatest film of all time?

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she looks like a fucking alien can we stop pretending shes even remotely attractive you sick fucks

Memes aside, this is the first film in ages rhat I am genuinely excited for. I haven’t seen a single jogger in any of the trailers or cast list. Eggers is the next Riefenstahl no doubt.

I, for one, welcome our Alpha Centauri overlords.

anya should be raped

Imagine if she got hit with a big rock and her bones all broke and she was just skin

She fulfills the diversity quotas without ruining the movie so for that alone she is a goddess. Blonde castizos will save cinema.

Post ending in

1. You get a kiss from her on the cheek
2. You get a big 5 second hug
3. You get to hold hands with her for a 5 minute walk and talk
4. You get to makeout with her for 5 minutes
5. She rubs your crotch for 10 seconds over the pants
6. She farts in your personal space and gives you time to breathe it in
7. You get to keep a used dirty pair of her underwear forever
8. You get a jar of her urine
9. You get to suck on her tits for 5 minutes
Dubs. You get 20 minutes of vaginal sex with her, but that is it
Trips. You get a weekend long sex session with her where she's your sex slave willing to do anything
Quads. You get her forever
0. You have to watch a black man fuck her in your bedroom

bump for the greatest movie of 2022

she mogs your gf I’m sure

you are literally gay

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Ok i'll bite

If she bleached her eyebrows to match her hair she would be perfect. That’s literally her only flaw.

If she got bleached her kids would be blonde

i'm praying Kidman doesn't get much screentime. she looks like a plastic demon, it makes me sick.

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a-ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Is that how it works? My hair was light blonde as a child but it turned dark brown now and my wife is still blonde, and I really hope my kids have blonde hair so they will grow up to be übermenschen and based trad waifus.

My dad has always loved viking stuff he even has a viking tattoo on his arm. Taking him to see the film.

Rolling

My dad did two but sadly he’s passed away. He would have loved this, he hated the Vikings show with all the gay tension and globohomo stuff snuck in.

loved the lighthouse but the northman trailer looks like some michael bay tier over the top braindead violence crap
will still watch but hopes are not high

I want her to jump on my cock until I coom.
If you know what I mean.

*too

Still would. She's the queen

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no way jose

>viking tattoo on his arm
your dad sounds like low-class trash and so do you>did two
how the fuck do you typo "too" jesus christ the state of this boards' iq today

fuck it

rollrollroll

Sorry about your dad. My dad doesn't care for that show either.

>blonde wife

leave her and bleach and asian or latina

>Michael Bay

There aren’t any explosions or ebonics speaking robots or inbred Megan Fox with toe thumbs and peanut butter makeup in this film

please god reroll

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in the trailer some dude like catches a spear and 360 noscopes with it

SHILL THREAD

DO NOT INTERACT

>tfw no extraterrestrial gf

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SHIZO POST

TAKE MEDS

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rollz

That’s literally not unrealistic, the outrage meme about that scene is so forced. You can find videos on Youtube of rednecks doing similar things in the woods, it’s not as impressive to catch a stick in the air as you think, baseball catchers do stunts more impressive than that in a typical game.

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That's a truly broken buck

I wanna fuck that alien

So he did an ama with a major social media platform? What’s the big deal?

take your meds

kino

that sounds awesome user, i hope you guys have a great time. ignore that other fag bitching about your dads tattoo.

no

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whoops! I meant that for:

take your meds take your meds take your meds take your meds take your meds take your meds

faggot.jpg is his thing, that's what he does

Eggers said he wants to do a Western someday so expect a few niggers in his portfolio.

dude it’s a heavily stylized viking revenge movie. what did you expect?

She doesn't look very boggish in the film screenshots. Still hot honestly.

she was very cute in The VVitch. i have not seen a picture or video since where she was even close to being as cute. she's still attractive, just not good enough to warrant such devotion.

As long as they are coal black, docile background creatures as is historically accurate that’s fine. No frizzy haired elequent light mulatos with anachronistic education.

>Still hot honestly.
you are brainwashed

Eggers is trans btw
youtu.be/XrqkfWFCCIs?t=592

She nailed the accent in that film too, she’s a decent actress, memes aside.

Looks a little less bogged than usual

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Fuck it

You sound like a fun person

What the fuck is this thing. My gf is nord and has Asian eyes but this is next level. Even gooks don't look like that

Is that subtle eyeliner and mascara historically accurate at all? Why do makeup departments suck at period pieces?

She looks hot in the film you faggot. Go jerk off to Hunter threads

Eternal Anglo + Castiza

I think she’s cute in an unconventional way

Why are her eyes moving further and further apart?

Not sure about mascara but they had eyeliner

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