How does this happen?

You mean two PIECES of apple pie, r-right?

If he exercised he would have been fine. I blame his sedentary lifestyle.

He caught the gay from Richard Pryor

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where are the freaking vegetables and fiber, poor anus.

What?

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Brando literally stopped giving a fuck about anything.

51 eggs at a go

>Brando was extremely competitive, and in 1968 he appeared at a private party celebrating Oscar nominations in which Paul Newman was in attendance with his wife Joanne Woodward. Brando approached Newman and began a conversation that eventually became very heated, resulting in Brando shouting and Newman walking away. Later that evening Brando stood on a table and challenged Newman to an egg eating contest, like the one Newman was depicted doing in Cool Hand Luke, however Newman ignored the challenge.
>Brando, undeterred, had somebody from his entourage bring him dozens of hard boiled eggs, and started the competition without Newman. While eating, he would loudly keep count as he consumed the eggs saying things like "21 Newman! 21 eggs already! I'm better than you Newman!", while mocking and insulting Newman the whole time, and calling him a "phony".
>Eventually, Brando consumed 51 eggs before being removed from the party, 1 more than Newman's character did in Cool Hand Luke. As he was being escorted out, he reportedly said "51 eggs Newman! I beat you! You couldn't eat 51 eggs because you're a phony, Newman. I'm better than you, and always will be Newman! Don't ever forget that!"

>one cheeseburger at a time
You clearly haven't heard anything about Brando's eating habits

The Richard Pryor curse

One of my favorite bits from Jon Lovitz's the Critic was the newsreel announcer saying "It's 1954 and Liz Taylor and Marlon Brando couldn't look any thinner!"

Literally too based for this world

You can't out exercise a bad diet.