How to get British people to come to Missouri

We aren't used to mountains and its too far from the sea. I don't know about the monuments and I doubt i'd care since they are for Yanks but I do love theme parks. Real ones, not disneyland. Honestly your best bet is talking about the higher wages and cheaper property. Hot summers and white Christmas. Tell us about low taxes. Cheap alcohol and cigarettes. Low fuel prices and the big trucks you drive. How every home has log burners or better still coal fires. How it's all white people who are allowed guns but it's safe and you don't need licences for hunting and fishing. Tell us that the government don't interfere and the President is as ceremonial as the Queen. I don't know much about Missouri so tell me what I want to hear.

>theme parks
they've got Silver Dollar City, which is pretty great
>higher wages
uhhh
>cheap property
they got that
>hot summers
yep
>white christmases
not so much
>low taxes
okay that can be done
>cheap booze
people from every neighboring state cross the border to buy it
>all white people
there are some black people who are hideous mutants that scare the other black people
>don't need a license for hunting and fishing
if you don't run into a game agent sure, plenty of people don't file every year and get away with it, just don't do anything stupid.

misery is in your name. what a dogshit name

Hold on, Kansas is richer than Sweden? How the fuck is that happening?

your country is basically just a background for Clearance Clearwater Revival songs

1000 British Sterling, take it or leave

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build a city to rival vegas, with legal gambling, whores and drugs at a reasonable price.

woah crazy how they made a country out of an anti-war song. It's been coming for quite some time

Yeah, that whole Vietnam War thing never happened, it was a big scam to promote rock bands. Don't tell the guys at the VA though, they got really committed to the lie.

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Looks like someone forgot the most cunning puppetmaster behind all of this: Big Pharma. Actors went in to studios to record for rock bands and now claim they have 'PTSD' and need 'medications,' which Big Pharma conveniently sells for a huge markup. You can make up a whole industry out of some songs too it seems.

I do like the sounds of cheap booze and hot summers.
>Silver Dollar City
It's 250 miles away from St Louis. Thats further from me to London and I live on the other side of the country. Is Six Flags any good? Has to be better than Alton Towers or I might as well not bother.
>higher wages
It's a deal breaker. Every expat to America always says the only thing you don't miss about England are the wages.
>cheap property
I don't want a McMansion mind you. It needs to be brick or stone i'm not paying for a cardboard house.
>there are some black people
I don't like the sounds of that.
>hideous mutants that scare the other black people
Deeply concerning.
>game agent
Bureaucrats and box tickers. It's just the same as here.
Honestly your sales pitch is poor. You failed to sell the highways I can race around in an obnoxiously noisy classic American muscle cars or the wide town roads with huge parking spots that can fit an obscenely large truck. No mention of car insurance which is extortionate in the UK or of cheap fuel which I expect of anywhere in the USA. You didn't tell me if i'm allowed to shoot the black mutants with a concealed firearm. The way you spell neighbour is irksome as I assume your accents must be and no mention about if the local women will swoon for my accent. It's clear your government interfere as bad in day to day lives as ours and your Presidents are somehow worse than our awful Prime Ministers. There isn't a rich culture spanning a thousand or more years. No music worthy of mention. No museums full of stolen artefacts from every corner of the world.
It should be an easy sell. Yet i'm going to pass it up and stay on my miserable grim grey home island.