Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife...

> Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You're always like. "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by thinking you're a great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "Legalize Pot, man," how big business is crushing the underclass; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! You failed college TWICE, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father — how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a BORE!

BASED CHADMIRE

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Quagnire, you're a rapist.

I hate while what he says is true, it's not like he is a better character. The only thing that Quagmire has that is better than Brian is that he has a job as a pilot. Everything else about him is just as scummy, in certain cases even moreson, than Brian. I don't know why they made him have these "moral standing" moments, it's fucking Quagmire.

You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man had been your friend since forever, rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury you have your hands all over his daughter, just because she’s 18 that makes it okay? And you're such a creep. You make every woman around you feel uncomfortable. You always say you’re a ladies man but how many of those women were actually conscious enough to want to have sex with you? And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this smart guy who cares about the neighborhood and is a respectful member of society but you’re not. Yeah, I don’t have my own house and a job but I’m a literal dog, the fact that I can talk should amaze you but apparently I’m not good enough for you? At least I don’t lecture people constantly whining about how the guys “don’t respect my job”. You fly a plane with autopilot 80% of the time and you think that grants you respect? God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some loyal friend, even though you're not! You know, I’m surprised Peter hangs out with you ever since you spied on Lois in the bathroom. And I think what I hate most about you is your ‘good guy’ agenda, volunteering at the homeless shelter doesn’t un-rape all the women you’ve ever met. And you can’t get over the fact I slept with your trans Dad, was the fact that it was actually consensual disturbing to you? You beat your best friend’s dog up over a consensual act between two adults. I mean who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You accuse me for not seeing my teenage son that often, how's that daughter of yours ONE EPISODE AGO you gave up for adoption? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Quagmire. You're just a big, sad, rapist bore. [sighs] Well, see ya, Glenn! Thanks for being rude the whole fucking evening.

Scumbag brian is funnier than snarky brian.

>And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots."

Why is he insulted him for not having religious beliefs and also wasn't Brian unawareabout his son until he was a teenager?

>Normal words but a douchebag

95% of what Quagmire says applies to himself as well.

He's not insulted by him being an atheist per se, more about how he is only an atheist because he believes it makes him looks smart. It makes more sense if you were online or lived in a college town when the God Delusion came out.

Would Quagmire fuck a transwoman? Could he out progressive Brian by fucking a tranny?