So I got sent to hell, and had already done some time there and got promoted to overseer, when Metallica arrived. Time works differently there, so an eternity had already passed but I guess hell was waiting for them all to arrive so it could torture them together.
Anyway, Metallica has always been these big burly, macho dudes, and I was ordered to turn them into these incredibly effeminate sissy faggot transexuals, and I found the whole process hilarious.
Here were these warrior-poets, expecting fire and brimstone, and they were all forced to transform into these crossdressing homos who'd get gangbanged by a conga line of dudes, sucking and fucking every day for god knows how long, since, as I explained, time worked differently there..
Anyway, Cliff mouthed off to my boss one too many times and they gave him a vagina, and he kept crying and I felt bad for him, so I petitioned for him to go to purgatory. I wasn't sure if purgatory was for real or if it was just hell fucking with me, but it was sort of like a morality play, like the book "Beyond Good and Evil", that if you obey and do your time, regardless of whether its right or wrong, things get gradually better, though you are still in hell and feel like it could all be taken away at any moment just to fuck with you.
Anyway, the more I tortured them and came up with crazy gay shit to punish them with, the more feminine they became and the more masculine I became, until I was banging hot succubus chicks and was granted a huge dong to pleasure them with.
Then Cliffs petition came in, and at first I was jealous, cause I'd done more time in hell and felt like I suffered more, but I realized part of redemption is learning to be graceful and forgive people, so I gave it the rubber stamp. Eventually all their petitions went through, even James, who I was sort of reluctant to approve cause he was the one I enjoyed thinking up scenarios for the other demons to taunt him the most.
But eventually they all went through, then to my surprise, mine came out the next day-ish (cause time works differently), and we all got put on this roller coaster minecart thing and went through this giant satan maw thing, and I was thinking, "Well, this is it, this is when they yank the carpet out from under us and send us to double-hell" but i sort of calmed myself by thinking "hell is what you make of it".
Anyway, we all came out the other side reborn as hot chicks, which is what I always wanted but was kind of bummed about because I'd learned to sort of enjoy being a man and having power, but said fuck it and just rolled with it.
Logan King
Me and Cliff were the only ones who had flashbacks about hell or had any memory of it, but we eventually parted and all went on to live happily ever after, or so the story goes. I mean there are worse things than being reincarnated as a rich, beautiful white bitch, but for them it must of been extremely painful having their egos ripped to shreds like that, which is why i think hell waited to have them all suffer together as a group.
It was kinna cool of them to all wait for each other before they left, and was a total surprise for me to leave hell cause i'd been there for a long time and thought I was there for eternity, but I guess nothing lasts forever
Daniel Hall
I'm not gonna read your retarded post but >Metallica has always been these big burly, macho dudes, and I was ordered to turn them into these incredibly effeminate sissy faggot transexuals, and I found the whole process hilarious. They are the gayest fucking band ever. Really. They wrote songs like 'Fade to Black', 'The Unforgiven' and 'Nothing Else Matters' and you expect me to think they're 'big burly macho dudes'?
I was completely broke at the time, I was so broke that 5 bucks felt like a lot of money. after rent and car payments, i had maybe 50 bucks a week to spend.
Adam Watson
> these warrior-poets, > big burly, macho dudes, You are so gay for them…
Oliver Thomas
well, i was.. until i had that dream.
now i just sort imagine they have poor hygiene and flabby burnt out rock star bodies.
William Morales
james probably spends all his time on the toilet, and kirk probably smells like 20 years of aftershave residue mixed with crotch sweat, and lars is and always has been a manlet.
Michael Wright
thats not a tattoo, its skin discoleration from needle marks in the shape of whistlers mother.
Jose Martin
I think, being gay and a fan of Metallica, I actively make the music gayer by listening to it. Anything to hasten their decline and get them out of the spot light.
for gods sakes, age gracefully, you fucking child.
Jacob Barnes
Anybody want to start a betting pool on which bandmember has banged a tranny, and if so, how many?
Jordan Bailey
whats the over / under? I'm guessing Lars is somewhere in the double digits.
