I will check the thread every few minutes. I will try to include all rolls into a narrative BUT
1. Highest roll by the time I return determines what the character will do, unless it's retarded, in which case, I'll make it less retarded. Please reply to the newest DM prompt when rolling, to avoid being missed.
2. There is one character. The character is user, until the character earns a name. You may take control of a second character IF you roll 90+ or dubs. (The lolcow characters tend to dominate the game and discourage participation from more "serious" players, therefore I'm going to make it a rule that any roll to manipulate "Cuckman" or "Cockgrinder" must A)succeed at 80+ OR B)be the only successful roll.
I'm a goblin rapelord. The highest rank in the goblin army. I am sent to this realm to catalog, capture and cum inside of as many non goblin females as possible, I command a swarm of low ranking cum goblins which can zerg rush my enemy and over run their defences with gang bang tactics.
Jaxon Rivera
I sit in the tree and wait silently, a net trap rigged in the tree will capture any light to medium weighted humanoid.
Ian Turner
>jerk off onto the deer to blind it with my load
Isaac Allen
gather mushrooms instead
Jaxon Hernandez
find the magic mushrooms instead dude
Brody Campbell
You set a trap, ignoring the deer. You're hunting a predator, not prey. While you wait, you begin to gather some of the mushrooms growing out of the moss. You're a seasoned survivor, and you know well which shrooms to never eat. You make a snack of them.
>You hear whistling through the leaves and the faint stomping noises of a careless creature stumbling through deep brush.
Isaac Edwards
Eat the mushrooms before I can be interrupted
Landon Jones
Start jerking my goblin cock to the steady beat of the noise that approaches. I gather power for my ultimate cumageddon this turn and trip on shrooms.
Gavin Hernandez
abandon mushrooms and investigate the noise.
Liam Foster
>00 Success with advantage! You eat the mushrooms, and no longer feel fatigued from hunger. In fact, you feel great! While eating, you pick around in a bird's nest and find a pretty jewel. The bird must have stolen it to decorate its nest. >99 You tuck the jewel in your waist pouch and listen carefully to the noise. It seems your trap may be of use soon, but you cannot yet see the target. You start jerking off while you wait, I guess.
Nicholas Miller
Move quietly toward the noise to see what it is
Joseph Nguyen
Scream loudly while ejaculating everywhere
Jaxon Fisher
Test the trap with foot
Charles Jackson
Take off running through the woods to scare off whatever is making the noise
You grunt weakly and dribble your three drops. You test the trap with your foot, it goes off, spoiling your advantage! Cursing your carelessness, you creep down the tree, stepping over the collapsed net and into a hidden spot beneath the brush, where you can see through the leaves.
>You observe a fat idiot from the town down the mountain, probably just out for a stroll. >He doesn't know you're there, but he will spot the trap in a few moments.
Josiah Morales
offer to suck his dick if he helps
Lucas Garcia
Roll to seduce fat idiot
Gabriel Collins
You crawl out of the bushes, and he turns and runs as fast as his pudgy legs can carry him. He doesn't even wait to hear you speak. You shout your desire to imbibe his semen, but it only makes him run faster.
>He dropped his hat, you now have a hat.
Dominic Moore
Fuck the hat
Xavier Cook
Anyone mind if I join? I have a level 4 kobold wizard.
Aaron Nguyen
Poop in the hat.
Jaxson Reyes
Chase him. He looks nice and juicy, would make good bacon.
James Collins
Roll 90+ or dubs. You poop in the hat. The mushrooms went right through you. You spray wet donkey chunks into the hat. Good for you.
>You remembered there's a reason you were here! You were hunting something! You sprint after the fleeing fatty. Even with his head start, you're used to these woods, and you're feeling light as a feather after clearing your bowels.
>You catch up to him, and he trips in his panic.
Caleb Reyes
Put on hat after
Dominic Ramirez
Curbstomp the fat fuck
Nolan Reyes
Place the filled hat back on his head then steal his shoes and escape.
Grayson Allen
We aren't letting dinner get away goddammit
Samuel Campbell
Jump on top of him and start gnawing on his leg
Alexander Taylor
Trips have spoken
Jose Sullivan
>78 >999 You curbstomp the fat fuck, and fall on him, spear in hand. You immediately tear a chunk out of his leg, chewing on it as you poise for the kill
>Fat fuck knows he's dead, will probably cooperate with whatever you say, if he thinks he's going to live
