I jacked off at work. I think they heard over the radio...

I jacked off at work. I think they heard over the radio. Thinking about lying and saying I was scratching a rash because I was bit by mosquitos and didn't know how it would sound. My clothes made some noise and I made a little grunt.
What do?

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Buy millions of mosquito eggs, hatch them, and release them at your place of employment. Then when everyone else sees the infestation start jacking off and make that little grunt again.

fpbp

I know it is a stupid lie but better than saying "oh yeah I was definitely going ham on my penis to some pale bbw german white chick cause she has a big ass"

Stop broadcasting when you fap.

I wasnt planning on it fag boy

If anyone mentions it report them for sexual harassment.

just tell em you were jerking off
I mean, what are they gonna do, fire you?

Uh, yah. Last thing I need is to lose my job. They havent said anything but idk, as long as nothing happens then I should be good

I was just thinking about playing it cool. I am weird so they wouldnt believe me, I will just be like "I dont know what youre talking about man"

fired, not fired, none of us give a shit

Bump

I know, fuck boy. I am just hoping my cards fall in the right place

I used to jerk off at work when I was 19. Always got away with it I thought until a girl I knew told me she heard me from the breakroom once.

She blew me though so I don't have any advice for you.

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Rime to move to a new city.

If confronted, put this to them:
user: "So what do you think you heard?"
Shlep: "We believe your were masturbating in the cubicle"
user: "Oh really? Got any proof of that?"
Schle: "We heard it over the radio"
user: "Describe what you heard. Did you record it? And who is this 'we'? I want names. See, listening in when someone is in a toilet cubicle taking care of their ablutions is actually an offence. I may press charges."
Schlep "Um...errrrr.....ummmm. I... I..know what I heard. I may have recorded it"
user "So you recorded me taking my ablutions without my consent? By the way, now it's just you that heard the alleged masturbation? I thought it was a 'we'?
Schlep "I didn't record it. I need to fire you"
user "On what grounds? I have an idea - lets go and talk to management about this. Together. You can state your case, I'll state mine - and they can decide. Seems fair to me - especially since you have no witnesses, no audio recordings, and it's my word against your pervert word. Let's go - should be fun!"

Work the evidence, lad. Lawfag here :-)

Japfag detected lol

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Based. I wish I had thenmoney to hire you. Might need to dodge some other bullets too.

report the radio as stolen/lost

dont say anything if no one asks you dumb motherfucker

this is a bigger larp than op.