I don't even mean to say this in a desperate tone, like I'm thinking of killing myself due to impulsive tendencies or some particular unpleasent event in my life, even though I recognize that life is mostly suffering and that everyone's life is fundamentally a tradegy, but what I mean is that, when looking at life as objectively as I can, I don't like it, and therefore see no point to letting it continue, ending it seems like the smartest and most logical decision to me. Afterall, what even is life? Unless you have a particular religious belief, none of us have any real idea of why we're here and what we're supposed to be doing with our existence. When looking at all of the people around me, it seems that their lives aren't too different, they spend a lot of time doing things that are difficult and/or boring to them, work/studying, because they have an obligation to do so, and as a reward for that they get some free time. If that's the case then I suppose what we do on that free time is what makes life worth it, right? Well, I don't know, it seems everyone just uses that free time to watch shows, play games, read books... essentially consume media, entertainment, or art forms in general. I do see some people around me with hobbies, maybe a sport, or an art form, and they seem to enjoy it, but is that good enough to justify life's suffering? No. Not to me at least. I don't know.
What I'm trying to say is that suffering is a much stronger and lasting feeling that happiness could ever hope to be, and while happiness is a state of stimulus, with dopamine and serotonin, misery simply is, no need for stimulus or anythng to induce it. I can't help but feel that our natural state, which we spend most of our times on, is nothing but sadness, anger or boredom, and it makes the happiness seem like a weak reward for enduring it all. I've grown tired of enduring this for nothing. A life without goals is one where we endure suffering for no particular reason, and I've never really had dreams of my own, it makes it hard to justify existing, afterall, if I try to live a life following other people's expectations, as a way to replace my own lack of direction, that'll lead to suffering for obvious reasons, but if I simply do nothing and become a NEET, for example, I'll be looked down on, and that'll lead to suffering, especially from my parents' complaints as I live under their roof doing nothing productive and being a dissapointment. I've been trying to live the life others expect me to, and in the process I've met some good people, I've grown fond of many of them, and I had some fun with a few activities, but its gotten to the point where it simply isn't good enough anymore, so I started planning my own death a few years back, and now I have everything I need. Life is dissapointing.
(2/2)
Owen Torres
I will kill you. Do you live close to me?
Connor Cook
is this copypasta or should I actually take some time to comment on this reflective blog post you wrote?
Jaxson Young
I don't know, what country are you from?
I wrote it, I apologize for the blog post, sometimes when I start writing I have a hard time stopping it.
Jack Walker
You should say it first. I don't want you to ditch me. I will say Europe at least
Landon Powell
South America here, not happening, either way that's fine, I prefer to go out on my own terms and by my own hands, I still appreciate and thank you for the offer though, user.
Isaiah Adams
you actually have a rather pleasant writing style and sound sincere, it's just a lot of text to respond to and I'm protective of my time.
Chase Gomez
No problem, user, that's understandable. I wish you a nice day.
Christopher Jenkins
stop acting so cute, read what I wrote again and see it can just as well be interpreted to mean I asked before responding to protect my time, I just called it a "blog post" because it has the format of a diary entry, I even specified it to "reflective blog post" to take the negative connotation "blog post" is presumably considered to have here by some. now let me read your post in peace, I should have at least an hour before this thread hits page 11.
Jose Phillips
*take off the edge/soften the negative connotation
Owen Sanders
You sound ripe for Arthur Schopenhauer's philosophy. Why make this thread, anyways? Do you think user can convince you to LIVE?
I've never read his book, but I've heard of him and his philosophy here before, and so far I've agreed with everything I've read from him. I made the thread in hopes of hearing other people's perspectives, and maybe have someone convince me that life is good.
Evan Morgan
I felt the same way that you did, but it's slowly turned around. I hold a lot of apathy about much of modern living, but I accepted that I have people that love me, that I like to spend time with, who I have the responsibility to look after. It would be so unbelievably selfish to kill myself and pass all my problems on to them. I have taken as many steps as I can to maximise my feelings of happiness and found my default state is content, rather than misery. Your pseudo-scientific analysis of chemicals being all that existence is doesn't hold a lot of weight for me because the human is more than the sum of it's parts. You can explain why a feeling might be generated and what chemicals were used to create it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have value or it isn't important. I prioritise making myself happy, taking steps to cut out unhealthy behaviours. If you want, look at it as avoiding the creation of the negative chemcials and dopamine maxxing where I can in a healthy manner. Life is disappointing if you refuse to participate in it at all. There are plenty of things worth living for for me. I feel happiest walking the dogs with my dad talking about football. It's all meaningless in the end, but it has meaning to me so that's all that matters Stop thinking yourself to death
Jonathan Scott
whatever dawg
Carter Morales
Not reading your post, retard. If you want to die, you can easily find a bridge to jump off or a gun to shoot yourself with or you could do suicide by cop.
You're a faggot retard attention whore and too much of a pussy to kill yourself.
Gabriel Stewart
There are no good or bad feelings, suffering doesn't have a negative value.
Zachary Nelson
I'm having a harder time avoiding my own thoughts recently, I don't really disagree with anything you've said, at all, but I feel like I've developed a sort of resistance to happiness, if that makes any sense, nothing really brings me much joy anymore and I grow tired and bored of it all quickly, while stress and misery just keep pilling up, I've also become more sensible to stress and anger than before and have been breaking down fairly easily at the smallest adversity, perhaps life really isn't objectively as bad as I'm making it sound, but I just feel like I'm not cut out for life like other people are, like I don't function the same way as the people around me, everything seems a lot harder than others make it out to be, maybe I have a loose screw, something like that, I'm not quite sure.
Dominic Smith
I already have everything I need for my method of choice, I didn't make the thread for attention, it's just that I like to hear other people's perspectives, and for some reason I find life and the human condition to be interesting topics to talk about, philosophy in general.
I've never heard of this before, could you elaborate? I didn't quite understand, but it sounds interesting.
Joseph Davis
Well, you're looking at life with a depressive filter over everything so of course all you see is misery. I'd like to tell you that it's easy to fix but I don't really know what changed it for me; all I can say is I felt EXACTLY how you do now. I learned to cope somehow, that's the only way I can put it. You don't want to die or you would already be dead. I posted things like you in my early twenties (26 now) but I never killed myself. Things got even worse than I thought they would and I still managed. I don't know, you are your own worst enemy by the sounds of things. You've got to stop thinking so much because you are killing yourself and you are sapping your own enjoyment from life. If you haven't taken any steps towards sorting your mental health professionally, I would suggest trying to do so. I don't think it's the catch all magic fix some people pretend that it is, but I gained some very valuable insights into my behaviour and some of my most broken thought patterns. If you are not currently: keeping a tidy living space, exercising at least 3 times a week for an hour or so, eating proper, home cooked meals made of real ingredients + vegetables, leaving the house physically and spending some time in nature at least once a week, you are TRYING to fail. You absolutely must take every step you can towards bettering your life because it doesn't get better from stagnating and wallowing in your misery. If you are in an underground room, and a single candle is lit in the room, the light that it shines is enough to make you feel that bit more comfortable enough that you can manage things a little more. Each positive step you regularly take lifts the haze more and makes life easier to manage. I'm not lying to you and saying it will 100% get better or that you will find value, but I doubt you are older than 25. 1/2
David Long
2/2 You are a barely formed person. You are finding yourself and you are suffering and struggling and I feel you man, I really do because I've been there. Sometimes I am still struggling and suffering and nothing else but I'm on an even enough kilter now that I don't want to die every day I wake up and there's things I look forward to.
John Clark
If you wish to be acquainted you could pick up a copy of Essays and Aphorisms. I think he was extremely gloomy due to life circumstances and this ultimately influenced his writing though.
I can try to spell out my perspective as someone who falls asleep almost every night imagining suicidal scenarios. In my experience life has also been suffering, a wretched string of confused episodes of hope and bitter disappointment, solitude, loneliness. But I was born with a big heart, and my love for life ultimately wins out. I find the lofty things in life to justify its existence, and that includes divine things like music, and mundane things like conversation or laying out in the sun with coffee and a book. When it comes to life's suffering, I would like more and more to endure it, embrace it, with a wicked mocking grin. Thus I glow with joy in face of the positive, and try to grow/learn from the negative. That is closer to my ideal.
But to live like this you really have to learn to love life again, like a child does. There is so much pessimism nowadays, on the internet and IRL. Everyone says "What's the big deal?" or worse, "Life is a drag. It is hell.". People cannot seem to cope with modern day meaninglessness, and they can't imagine how to affirm life in it's entirety.
Elijah Hall
I'll take your words to heart, anons. Afterall, even though I've had suicidal thoughts for years, I haven't done it yet, so I don't see anything wrong in postponing it a little more, I've got my method ready anyway, so I can always kill myself another day. I'll look into therapy, medication, exercise, diet, etc. I believe the reason I didn't look into anything before is because it's just easier to kill myself, I mean, it's not easy, but I've talked to depressed people like me before, some in their 30's, their 40's, some even in their 50's, and while some do get better, some don't, and I am young, the thought of enduring suffering for decades without things getting better sounds like a risk too scary to take on, the certainty of suicide brings me more comfort, but I guess that since I'm so close to killing myself anyways, with my current plan being february, it wouldn't hurt to try for at least a little while, afterall it's like I've said, if it doesn't work I can kill myself whenever.
