Do you genuinely wish to kill yourself, user? Did anything make you want to back out of it...

Do you genuinely wish to kill yourself, user? Did anything make you want to back out of it, or are you still waiting on something?

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When I planned to kms and got to the site of execution I was terrified out of mind to actually pull it off. I like where I'm at now but the option is still on the table I just need to find the nerves to pull it off.

I want to be real, I want to matter and I want someone to really love me.
People look at me funny, the idea of being "special" is ridiculized, but if you have your entire existence validated, wouldn't that be nice? I want that, of course i had wished to kill myself, tried it once even, but my body's desire to survive was too strong, no matter how misserable a human's body wants to persevere, how cruel.

I'm waiting for my parents to leave the earth so they won't be sad when I do it, thats what stopped me last time

Taking some people with me at least in minecraft

> Do you genuinely want to kill yourself, user?
Yes, I do believe that I really want to leave already and those feeling usually peak either one or two times over the course of a week.
>Did anything make you want to back out of it, or are you still waiting on something?
I wanted to feel like an active participant in this life, that I could make meaningful choices and wasn't just the dumb lackey who struggles with simple tasks due to a lethal combo of low iq, fear, and complacency. Sometimes, I'll be granted a week or two of drive to try and accomplish something, but it typically ends in the same mediocrity with no meaningful growth on my end.

On more practical matters, I'm running out of money, my parents try and pretend I don't exist (neet), and I have zero accomplishments that Im proud of. I have no clue why Im still here, the only reason I can come up with is that I hate and fear change so death would be quite the deviation from the well beaten path.

Nope. There was a point in my life where I had extreme guilt and was remotely close to considering it but I never got too far into the thought.

>Did anything make you want to back out of it, or are you still waiting on something?
(O you who have believed, do not consume one another's wealth unjustly but only [in lawful] business by mutual consent. And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful.) Surat An-Nisa/Chapter of the Women, Holy Quran [4:29].

>Do you genuinely wish to kill yourself, user?
Kinda yeah but I'm too much of a failure to succeed at it I guess, so I stopped trying. I'm actually living pretty comfortably at the moment, so I don't mind sticking around currently. Not sure but I don't think I can feel pain anymore, it's like I've finally been broken to the point that I can't be bothered with negative emotions. The last girl two girls that tried to hurt me failed, the most recent attempt was amusing to me. I also feel 1000x better knowing so many other men are going to die alone too. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone even if I am, because it was always outside of our control. I feel good knowing birth rates are dropping and male virginity rates and suicides are rising, humanity was a mistake.
>Did anything make you want to back out of it
Yeah, I also didn't want to hurt my parents in doing so. I watched my father cry recently when we last spoke...
>are you still waiting on something?
I waited my whole life for some miracle mommy gf to fall into my lap and save me and I'm pretty sure it's never happening at this point. Other than that I don't care about anything anymore. I've been ghosted over 100 times, I was bullied every day for half of my childhood and the schools just let it happen. I've been robbed and walked all over by so many people. I hope our species suffers a slow and agonizing death. Part of me also just wants to watch everything crash and burn. I have no interest in working for or participating in a society that has no future for me in it, where women are repulsed by me, etc. I hope these cancers spread and we go back to the dark ages if not extinct. I look forward to hell on earth.

I do not want to kill myself but I cant figure out why I havent yet.

I am wracked with a constant sense of urgency to at least be able to talk to a girl before I become to old to try to start dating. I haven't even managed to develop a real "oneitis"
It has gotten so bad recently that it has turned me from a genuinely happy person to someone who feels worse than neutral more than half the time, so death has started to appear appealing.
there is nothing physically wrong with me like being deformed or a bald manlet, so I can never really get the closure of truly giving up.
If I could do that, I wouldn't be so sad, right?

I wanna kms with half a kg of BNCP so until I figure how to make it

My mom is the only reason I'm alive. I hope I die before her desu.

I wish I could. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I can but this feeling fades away. The thing is, even when I'm feeling somewhat good, I know that the suicidal thoughts will come back eventually and it will weigh down on me. I think that I'll never be able to truly be happy. I wish I could end the suffering but I will never do it.

I don't want to die but I know that I'll kms one day. Some days are scary and I come close. The next day I'm in shock at how close I came. It's like I'm slowly warming myself up to it and that is what scares me.

Naw. I enjoy mogging incels.

I'm too much of a coward. I guess thats called passively suicidal.

I can't believe I typed that out and got no response

I dont genuinely wish to kill myself but I genuinely wish to do something

Yeah I'm considering an exit bag. I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's not like it gets better and I feel in constant pain

There is a flux of syncronistic (contiuums), and that is All.

The latter option.

"Verily after every hardship there is relief, after every hardship there is relief"

Holy Quran 94:5

I've known suicide to be inevitable for all my conscious life.

I'm just not in a rush - I have the means of suicide with me right now, so why not wait some years and see if this worthless life was worth something after all?

Currently I am standing at the abbys. All it takes for me to jump down is a small push. Doesnt really matter what it will be but I guarantee that its coming. People can only pray that when it comes to it, I decide to go alone and not take someone else with me.