See all the bottoms on this board raving about Blåhaj, so I decide to get one for my bf

>see all the bottoms on this board raving about Blåhaj, so I decide to get one for my bf
>nearest Ikea is 3 hours away, so I buy one off Amazon
>the little fucker is delighted and he absolutely loves it...
>...for almost an hour

Some of my topbros out there probably know where this is going.

>his autistic little Rain-Man superpowers quickly start registering errors in the proportions and stitching of the shark
>he starts asking me gentle-but-pointed questions about where I got it
>I honestly thought everything was legit, so I show him
>he's not angry at me, but he's absolutely furious at the Amazon sellers for scamming me and "taking advantage of my trust" and "toying with our emotions" (his words, I honestly wasn't even that mad it was like 24.95 and I thought the shark looked fine)
>but before I know it, the little tattletale has formally reported the incident to Ikea

Only the MOST unfortunate of my topbros know where it goes from here.

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I'm a bottom and idk where it goes from there, where does it go?

(cont'd)

>I start getting increasingly threatening messages from the Amazon Marketplace storefront/Blåhaj counterfeit ring, warning me to keep my mouth shut
>I'm 85% sure their original shipping confirmation email installed a fucking Pegasus tracker on my phone, because they're also dropping hints that they've been monitoring my whereabouts and also my private messages and even verbal conversations I've had
>as if that's not enough, I get a knock on the door from a process server with a heavy Swedish accent
>He delivers a summons for me to appear in the Tingshus at my nearest Ikea in two months
>so not only do I have to make the three hour drive to Ikea that I was trying to avoid in the first place, but apparently this thing is pretty serious
>As it turns out, Ikea is considered Swedish ground, much like an embassy, so I'll be tried under their criminal code
>And while Sweden may be known for a fair and gentle criminal justice system, one thing they do NOT take lightly is unauthorized reproduction of their "national treasure"
>Every lawyer I call tells me "good luck, buddy" and hangs up on me
>My doctor checked my blood pressure and said "holy shit" and immediately put me on high-dose lisinopril
>there's been a black van parked across the street from my house with people sitting inside day and night
>I don't know if it's the Detektiver or the Blåhakuza
>At this point I don't know which I should be more afraid of

Bros I didn't know about ANY OF THIS SHIT. I just wanted to get the little fag something nice and I'm in way over my head. Any and all advice from anyone who's been through this process would be appreciated.

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he posts a frog i dont read the blog

Make sure it has the ikea certificate

Sounds fake, why would ikea sue you? Your not the one manufacturing the sharks you bought one they aren't retarded.

this is actually so cute ;_;

Distribution is a more serious offense, but they still take possession pretty seriously too. I'm going to have to find a way to prove I had no intent to purchase a fraud, but even then, it's known as a "strict liability" offense and I may still be facing up to two years in the Fängelse

I really wish you guys had warned me about that like three weeks sooner

That's wild, can't you just destroy it or give them ot to destroy like how are they so unreasonable. They should take that one from you and bring you a real blahaj that you could then buy off them. Also was the shark named blahaj on the website, if not than its just a similar shark plushie