How tf do i not be bitter as a hon?

seriously idk how to cope. i will never have a life experience remotely like a woman. i will always just be some freak in the eyes of the world. literally everyone just thinks i'm a transvestite. i'm bitter, i'm angry, i'm sad. i hate myself. every real woman i see and like 99% of you just make me want to go play in traffic because i'm just so fucked in comparison. i regret even starting hrt, it's been a complete fucking waste. everyone here is like 'omg i'm such a hon' and then goes on to talk about their bf. lmfao imagine being so fucking ugly you can't get a bf. most passoids even treat hons like shit, it's not like there's any solidarity in the trans community.
>imagine being the lowest of the fucking low

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Try accepting yourself as male and find a way to be able to live that way rather than trying to do something you can't physically do. Why are you so retarded that you can't figure this out for yourself?

fuck you, every time i talk about detransitioning i get shit on and 'oh that won't last long'

This is the experience of most men who transition, and it’s sad. Most grand men will never pass. Most trans men will remain more masculine than feminine. Most of society reads this as ugly or scary or both. We know this now so how is it still failing so much? How can they not know this going in? How do their expectations continue to defy the facts when man after man is transitioning with this result? There has to be something better, some acceptable alternative.

What have you tried to do to get a bf?

It really sucks. I wish i hadn't been pinkpilled so i could repress in peace until death
Dating apps, bars

>Try accepting yourself as male and find a way to be able to live that way
do you think we haven't all tried that endlessly and are unable to?

I just enbycope, it's pretty good actually. I could never ever pass as female for so many reasons, stopped caring a long time ago. Manmode at work, dress however I feel best outside, speak like a regular faggot, do some makeup but not too much, embrace my beautiful and unchangeable mixture of masculine and feminine traits. Yeah, when I dress feminine I look like a crossdresser or a failed tranny, but most people actually treat genderbent freaks pretty well in my area. I dress pretty modestly masc or femme, so I hopefully don't freak people out too much. Mild confusion and curiosity at worst. Life is so much better now than when I repped. I know I will always want to be more feminine, but I'm at peace with taking whatever steps I can to feel better. HRT, longer hair, some outfits I really like, natural-looking light makeup.

What dating apps?

i thought about this, but i am trying to avoid looking like a freak
taimi, tinder, grindr, probably a few more over the years

That's so much bullshit! I dated a guy for 2 years who was a trans before I was and he realized he was 5 ft 10 and too masculine with a big male chest and now he's married to a woman

Why don't you just do it instead of worrying about what other people say and find yourself a girlfriend and enjoy sex instead of being an oddball idiot that can't look like a woman and wants to be one anyway? that's so stupid!

>find yourself a girlfriend and enjoy sex
because i don't want a girlfriend, i'm not interested in pussy you dumb shit. i am very hesitant to detrans because i don't want to just re-trans in a year or whatever. if i do it, it has to be 100%

That seems like a pretty liveable compromise. I wish it worked this way for more people instead of the unrealistic expectation/crushing disappointment at reality (or painful repression) that so many people have to face. But I’m sure your level of self-honesty and introspection have a lot to do with this kind of honest self-expression. People respond more positively to other self-aware people.

Hope you can find a livable compromise, I don’t think repression is the answer either.

>I don’t think repression is the answer either.
that's what everyone keeps telling me and i've been thinking about it for the last year or two

idk im on the same boat but im cool with living as a guy professionally and as a crossdresser outside of it
i could never quit HRT though I hate testosterone

Be the freak you want to see, just don't follow me. -MC Ride

I was worried about that too, but I surprisingly look and feel better as a freak than a cishet-seeming man. It's a social and material reality that better matches the way I feel inside. People even treat me better sometimes. Many people like out-of-the-ordinary but cute stuff, like weirdly beautiful men in nicely fitting dresses. You just have to work a little harder to make sure you're presentable and generally nice to be around.

I don't think I could cope if I had to live in this hilarious manbody if my dysphoria made me want to be seen as 100% woman. It's a lot easier to be a weird mandrogynous freak with no special labels than it is to ask people to see you has a woman when you're so far from passing that way.

>iving as a guy professionally and as a crossdresser outside of it
that's what i'm doing currently. man @ work and hon in my personal life when it permits. i hate it
>people like out-of-the-ordinary but cute stuff, like weirdly beautiful men in nicely fitting dresses
unfortunately cute and beautiful aren't words that describe anything about me

honestly I think I'm just going to repress and hermitmode, probably throw myself into some art project as a distract and kill myself

Then you're a homosexual guy and just need to have a good relationship with a gay guy that's maybe more dominant than you that makes you feel like a little femme. Remember, it's you that said you can't be a woman I'm just agreeing with you!

You should try OKC, I've had luck there

that sounds nice, but i have to completely repress if that would ever work out
i've honestly lost my drive to try any more. i doubt there will be men with lower standards there than the other apps

Repression is just in your imagination! There's all kinds of gay boys who wanted to be girls as children. I was in groups with them as a kid there's pretty much my social world in a private school was for mostly disturbed boys that wanted to be girls there's a whole cuvvy of us nelly boys.
Only a very few became girl as older children. Most who did didn't end up as healthy as the ones that accepted that they were gay this is all facts, dr not bullshit