Be me, repressor

>be me, repressor
>managed to repress urges for 15 years now though I get a few depressive episodes here and there
>coped through excelling at academics, got out with pretty good jobs practically lined up for me
>eventually get promoted to a managerial position at a big company. Good pay, benefits, working environment, prestige even.
>meet a cute girl and we really connect, she moves in with me and 2 years later i plan on proposing, start shopping for rings.
>Hopefully get to start a family with her and lead a normal life.
>literally out of buttfuck nowhere the urges come back, stronger than they've ever been before, invading my mind like some kind of incurable parasite
>try to resist but looking at all the cute 30ish year old transitioner timelines on reddit made me impulsively buy diy estrogen
>shipment tracker says it will arrive tommorrow
>mfw about to ruin my life, my relationships, my job, my future, people's respect for me, etc over a retarded fucking mental illness
someone please for the love of god convince me to just throw it out immediately i can't fucking do this i don't want to fucking do this i just want to have a normal life why cant i just be normal? i fucking hate being this i fucking hate having to deal with these thoughts but at the same time i dont think i can go on any longer with this male body of mine. im about to lose fucking everything i've worked for my entire life over absolute bullshit i cant believe it

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you're a dumbass for repping

post an unsee

ruining our lives is inevitable and we just meme ourselves into thinking we could ever be 'normal'. thats what i tell myself to feel better at least. nothing's going to stop you.

>>literally out of buttfuck nowhere the urges come back, stronger than they've ever been before, invading my mind like some kind of incurable parasite

WE TOLD YOU
WE KEPT TELLING YOU
WE TOLD YOU IT DOESNT GO AWAY

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John, a 50 year-old genetic male, medical research scientist, married (23 years), father of three children aged 20, 17 and 7, phoned me after experiencing a panic attack severe enough to require emergency attention from paramedics at the airport on his way to give a presentation at a conference. John gave me only his first name and informed me that I was the first to be told what he was about to tell me. He said he was "gender dysphoric" and that he was "desperate." Feelings that were once "controllable through sheer force of will," had increased to where he now was having protracted periods where he would close his office door, lie on the floor and weep quietly while curled up in the fetal position, holding his genitals in pain. Other than intrusive and repeated fantasies of being female, he had refused to allow himself any overt form of female gender expression. He reported feeling that if he was to cross-dress and be caught, he would dishonor his wife and family. The only other form of temporary relief came through masturbating, often up to five times a day.

Those who chose to remain male speak of a clear longing for what might have been. Senior gender dysphoric males typically report they have been waiting, many since childhood in the hope that their desire to be female would simply "go away." Like those who are younger, they say in resignation that if they had known the dysphoria was going to remain such a strong force in their lives, they would have braved anything to face their dilemma decades sooner. One gets the impression that the struggle to contain their gender expression deprivation anxiety has become deeply ingrained in their psyche. It is as if the gender dysphoria has become a critical component of who they have become. Characteristically these people can be described as sad, depressed and deeply resentful.

i don't believe this shit, there has to be a way to at least numb it down
anyone here get any success from drugs? i think i can get my hands on some pain pills and maybe some benzos

also i've already tried weed btw it fucking sucks

I kinda wish you were being serious op, the whole "repressor finally breaking as her true nature can no longer be fought" is such a tragically beautiful story

being addicted to opiates or benzos is actually much worse for you than transitioning, js

estrogen is a drug

i disagree

We told you, dog! We warned you about repressing!

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there's some talk about certain anti psychotics repressing tranny thoughts, but tread carefully. going down that road may end up being more detrimental to you as a human than transitioning.

imagine being put on anti-psychotics because you want to be a woman, we live in a fucked up world

Take it for me a 24 y/o repressed bisexual, you can't win the fight againt the urges you just end hurting youself.

everything is fucked up and there are no right answers. i'm scared.

I was put on anti psychotics when I was 16 made me repress
pisses me off

You can't change who you really are, you show try building a strong support group that helps you trugh you're journey what ever it'll be

i feel like ive heard a lot of anons say this. how common is it that people try to put dysphoric minors on anti-psychotics?

It seem that it's a common untested treatment that doesn't work but people think that It works for some reason and use it on their children