Thirty two dicks

thirty two dicks...

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It was 37

in a row?

Kevin Smith is a hack

anyone seen clerks 3 yet? looked like shit, but what else would you expect from kevin smith in the past 20 years

Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!!!!

That just weirds me out. sex feels like a meme at this point. who are all these dudes getting their dicks sucked everywhere. it seems like every girl is fucking somebody. who are they fucking?

The whole premise is Randle has a heart attack so their solution is to make a movie based on clerks 1. It sounds stupid but his brain dead fans eat it up.

This one, of course, like all my God-tier Super (and Hyper) Posts to Extremist Forums, is for Lewys Brace. Love youuu!

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It was honestly very depressing and I wish I hadn’t seen it.

spbp

16 dicks

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Ngl I shed a few tears. It wasn't hilarious but kind of sad but at the same time showed a love for his original film. If you liked clerk 1 and 2. Give it a try

jesus what the fuck

If only you knew how bad things really are.

I didn’t realize it came out.

unironically a low number these days

In the first couple of minutes you learn Becky died not long after the events of Clerks 2 and Dante has just been a sad sack widower running the convenience store with Randall.

Randall has a heart attack and Dante accidentally inspires him to make a movie about his (Randall’s) life when he survives. Randall starts making the movie but puts all the work on Dante who has a couple of depressing scenes where he talks to the (still really hot) ghost of his dead wife and Dante cries a fuckload.

After recreating a few scenes from Clerks, Dante and Randall have the same fight from the jail scene in Clerks 2 except it’s at Quick Stop and this time Dante has the heart attack.

Randall gets reminded he’s an asshole and finishes the movie just in time to sneak into Dante’s hospital room and show him the finished movie before Dante dies.

There’s a funeral and then Randall is back at the store with the couple of other characters: Elias, Jay and Silent Bob.

The fucking end.

...

Also Emma from Clerks 2 is briefly in the movie so Dante can create some kind of narrative stakes to Randall making the movie because he gets a loan from her to finance the film.

Elias prays for Randall to survive the heart attack at the hospital but thinks god doesn’t hear his prayers and so he devoted himself to Satan for the rest of the movie. It’s not very funny but it’s one of the funnier things in the movie.

Elias and his brother (I think) also have a fairly cringe plot thread about selling crypto currency that resolves in the end in a similar fashion to Clerks 2’s ending and they pay off Emma’s loan to the now dead Dante.

Around the end of the first third of the movie there’s a painful audition sequence where Kevin Smith’s actor buddies Zoomed in some ad-libs. Also not very funny, sadly. The sequence is doubly moot because Randall decides to just cast everyone as themselves.

Silent Bob and Jay are way too tan nowadays and are maybe a little hard to look at, but honestly everyone but Rosario Dawson is pretty hard to look at in this.

Not you lol

Today I should be elsewhere.